Odds & Sods For Friday, January 31st

Item The First: I can’t be the only one wondering where in hell January went, can I?

Item The Second: As long as I’m in a cranky old fart mood, why is it that May Company always has “One-Day Only!” sales, “this Saturday…with a preview day on Friday.” I may have to use my fingers to count, but that’s two days, not one. Shouldn’t it be a “Two-Day Sale?” Somebody needs to grab their marketing folks by the lapels and give them a good talking to. Or maybe we should do that to the shoppers who fall for that particular little bit of stupidity masquerading as “marketing”.

Item The Third: Weep for our society. Here’s why. I was buying a soda and a snack at the gas station. It came to $2.80. I handed a $5 bill to the young lady behind the counter. She accidentally hit the “$10” key on the lowest-common denominator cash register. First issue — do we really have to have cash registers that don’t have the numbers zero through nine, but just buttons for $1, $5, $10, and $20? What’s next, buttons that just have pictures of the president on the bill because those number thingies are really hard? What if you bought $53.17 worth of gas and paid cash? Do they have to call a supervisor?

Anyway, ow the register display says she owes me $7.20 change. She knows that can’t be right — but she can’t figure out what the correct answer is! (I swear, I couldn’t make this up.) She can’t figure out “$5.00 minus $2.80 equals $2.20.” She can’t figure out “I hit the button that’s ten dollars instead of five dollars, so subtract five dollars from the answer the cash register is showing.” She’s holding $7.20 in change (a $5 bill, two $1 bills, and two dimes) in her hand, and can’t figure out “Put the $5 bill back in the drawer.”

She finally solved it — she put everything down and pulled out an electronic calculator to do the math, one of those little plastic, solar powered ones.

Weep for our society.

Item The Fourth: I love watching the astronauts on ISS doing live interviews with school kids. Interviews with most reporters, not so much, and television reporters and talk-show hosts are the worst. (Hint: Most of the grade school kids ask more knowledgeable and intelligent questions than the reporters.) But that’s not the point here. I noticed this week while watching some of these live interviews that the US astronauts are wearing belts with their pants. Why do you need a belt in microgravity? Your pants most certainly are not going to fall down. Is there a wedgie ninja on the ISS?

Item The Fifth: This last Monday the rate for first-class mail in the United States rose from 46¢ to 49¢. The Postal Commission has decreed that this increase will only be in effect for about two years, until the post office can recover the revenue it lost during the recession. Then, in 2016, postal rates will go back down to 46¢ according to their plan.

Show of hands — how many people think that the rates will ever, ever really go back down? Anyone?

Item The Sixth: Here in Los Angeles, and I assume in most other markets, starting at about 4 AM every day we get local news on six or seven channels and everyone has a slew of folks who are upbeat, chipper, and cheerful. I can’t speak for the men with that gig, but I’ve noticed that a fair percentage of the women appear to be single (i.e., they’re not wearing wedding rings). I don’t see any way that it’s because they aren’t good looking, and I doubt that it can be completely explained by the fact that they get up to go to work at 2:15 AM every day, although that can’t help. Nope, I’m convinced that it’s because they are upbeat, chipper, and cheerful at 4 AM! Such an attitude is unnatural and these folks must all be mutants or Communist agents or aliens of some sort. Anyone who is naturally chipper before 7 AM should be treated with great suspicion and considered to be a threat until proven otherwise.