Poor, Poor Apple Computers

And by “poor” I mean that they ONLY made $50.56 BILLION dollars in the first quarter of the year. To be clear, we’re not talking “millions” and we’re not not talking an entire year. That’s not a typo.

$50.56 billion dollars in revenue in three months.

Yet it’s looked upon as a disaster because the pundits and analysts on Wall Street were expecting $51.97 billion.

You can’t even comprehend those kinds of numbers. It’s Monopoly money.

So I want all of you, every single one, to get out there tomorrow and buy a new iPhone or a new iPad. Maybe a new MacBook Air. Or better yet, one of each!

Go buy them on a credit card with 24% interest. That will make those guys (and it’s always guys) on Wall Street happy again, and we all know how important that is. If they can’t buy a second or third tropical island or small third-world country, how will they keep up with the Koch Brothers?

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