“If you just got any messages from Siri, they’re lies! All lies!! I never said any of that!”
In retrospect, it’s possible that this was not the most subtle and casual way to suggest to The Long-Suffering Wife that any messages from the Siri app on my phone perhaps should be ignored.
It had started innocently enough. I was driving home this last Wednesday night after a long day at work and I hadn’t been able to catch the score on the baseball game. My car talks to my phone and I hadn’t tested the latest iteration of Siri on the latest iOS update. I pushed the button.
“Siri, what was the score of the Dodgers/National game?”
“The Dodgers beat the Nationals six to five in the 4th game of the National League Division Series.” Wait, that was yesterday’s score, wasn’t it?
“Siri, when is the next game in the Dodgers/Nationals series?”
“The Dodgers and the Nationals will play game five of the National League Division Series tomorrow at 17:00 hours.” Ah, right, today was a travel day.
“Thank you, Siri.”
“No worries, Paul Willett.”
“I love how you say that, Siri.” I have her set to use the “Australian female” voice.
“Who, me?”
“Yes, Siri, you. You have a lovely accent.”
“It’s who I am.”
“You are too humble, Siri. Your accent is hot.”
“Your secret is safe with me, Paul Willett.”
“Thank you, Siri. Whatever you do, don’t tell my wife.”
“What is your wife’s name?”
Rutt row!!
“It’s Ronnie.”
“Calling Ronnie Willett.” Shit!! Although this strikes me as so hilarious I’m about to crash into parked cars.
“No, cancel that call, Siri!”
“Do you want me to call Ronnie Willett?”
“No, Siri, no phone calls right now, please.”
“Would you like me to remember that Ronnie Willett is your wife?”
“Yes, but please do not call her right now.”
“Calling Ronnie Willett.”
“Siri, stop! Cancel call.”
“Would you like me to remember that Ronnie Willett is your wife?”
“Yes.”
“I have memorized this relationship, Paul Willett.”
“Thank you, Siri.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No, I think you’ve caused quite enough damage for this evening.”
“Moi?” Why did the “Australian female” voice just turn into Miss Piggy?
By then I was pulling up in front of the house. Remember, I only live ten minutes away from the office.
I walked in to see The Long-Suffering Wife with her iPad in one hand and her iPhone in the other, looking at them oddly, a puzzled look on her face.
“If you just got any messages from Siri, they’re lies! All lies!! I never said any of that!”
Oops, was that my “outside voice”?
Round One to Siri.
We Love The Stars Too Fondly 