The Fur Flies

And drifts. And floats. And clumps. And tickles. And annoys.

Two days ago I got to both: a) take the dog to the “spa” for a two-day stay, and; b) spend over an hour vacuuming out the van which was filled with massive amounts of dog hair after task “a”. We were going to be using the van to take friends to the Angels game in Anaheim and I couldn’t bear to expose innocent bystanders to having their clothes covered with white dog hair for the foreseeable future.

Today we got back from Anaheim, picked up the dog from the “spa” — and the van is again about 99% full of white dog hair. When we got home the cat decided that she was lonely after spending thirty-six hours in charge of the house so she’s been pretty constantly on my lap demanding attention all afternoon. And shedding like a demon. I’m covered with her fine hair and it’s on my clothes, in my eyes, in my nose, on my face…

I’ve suggested that shaving them both would work wonders to help the situation, at least temporarily. (I’m a bold problem solver!!) No one else in the household is excited about that plan, although I have yet to get a precise explanation of why the plan’s so bad, other than, “Really?”

I had an alternative solution with the dog, in order to keep the van clean. For the ride home I suggested putting her into a GIANT ZIPLOCK BAG! And I had anticipated the immediate objection to this ingenious plan (she would suffocate) by proposing that we fit her with a SCUBA tank for the brief ride. Genius! Yet, like Wile E. Coyote before me, my foolproof genius was shot down in flames by the doubters among us.

As for the cat, if we can’t shave her (I’ll admit, I do think those hairless cats on Animal Planet are pretty butt ugly) and I can’t put her in a giant, airtight, plastic bag, can I at least varnish her or cover her in a thin layer of wax or something, just to keep the hair on her where it’s supposed to be instead of on me and the carpet and the couch and the ceiling and the walls and the desk and the tables and the windows where it’s not supposed to be?

Nope, another perfectly good (and ingenious) plan shot to hell.

If you need me I’ll be over here, using a lint roller on my face so that I can see well enough to vacuum out the car again.