Mother’s Day Promises Made

I’ve mentioned my mother here once or twice. In particular, I’ve mentioned how she’s chosen to stay “technology challenged” and how there are days when I’m just as happy that she’s done so.

In the course of my Mother’s Day conversation with her today I made some sort of stupid, wise ass, attempting to be funny comment (if it weren’t for my mouth, I don’t know where I would keep my feet) to the effect that she could do something faster and easier if she had email and a computer. She asked what a “smartphone” was and if it would work. Sure it would, of course — and then I got to explain what a smartphone was.

She said that she was hesitant since she didn’t even use a digital camera. She was given one a while back, but it confused her and she switched back to her film camera. (She may be the only person in New England still using film who isn’t a professional photographer shooting 6×6 medium format with a Hasselblad EL 500.) I pointed out that an iPhone (or equivalent) was a digital camera, a video camera, a computer, all wrapped around a phone app.

Then I got to explain what an app was.

Somewhere in this conversation, she started talking about actually getting a smartphone, upgrading from her flip phone (which she may or may not actually ever use). And hey, as long as we’re going to be there next month, I can go out with her and buy it! I can get it set up and spend the next couple days there showing her how to work it! What a fantastic idea!

In retrospect, isn’t this sort of the same way I ended up committing to running a marathon next January?

She’s got a month to think about it and I’ve got a month to figure out how to set up and maintain an iPhone without her having a computer. No desktop, no laptop, no netbook, no Chromebook. I’ve seen this discussion on Slashdot in the past — time to see if there are any updates on that. Otherwise I’ll probably have to set up and haul along an old spare laptop.

Wait, does she have an internet connection? She must, I think my brother’s used it, but if not…

I just wanted to wish her a “Happy Mother’s Day!” That’s simple enough, isn’t it? Who put this unexpected quagmire of complexity in there?

As for the ultimate promise made, I had to swear that I’ll be patient and not get testy or frustrated. It’s almost more than a son should be forced to endure.

But that’s the sort of things we do for our mothers, especially on Mother’s Day. We gave them months of grief when it was time for our toilet training, now we get it back (with interest) fifty-plus years later with computer training. And a lifetime of cross-country tech support.

What do I do when she calls up asking where the “Any” key is?

It would have been so much simpler if I had just sent flowers or candy.