Nibbled To Death By Ducks, May 9th

We’ve all heard the phrase, but it is just a figure of speech or has someone actually met this horrible fate?

Ducks aren’t THAT big or aggressive, so it’s hard to see how it could happen when a couple of good kicks could open a hole in their ranks and almost anyone could out sprint them in the quarter mile.

Now, geese… – they’re MEAN, and aggressive, and nasty, and freakin’ dangerous. In their case the phrase would be more like “Beaten To Death By Geese,” but that doesn’t just roll off the tongue.

I guess part of the irony in this metaphor is the general knowledge that ducks don’t have teeth, just those blunt, rounded beaks. I’m sure they could pinch a finger or toe really well if given the opportunity, but I think any injuries resulting in death from a duck attack would be more a result of the side effects. For example, if you’re driving a convertible and a duck suddenly flies in and startles you or pokes you in the eyes, you might lose control of the car, crash, and die. That’s still more like, “Killed In A Stupid Accident In Which A Duck Was A Causative Factor.” Again, it neither scans nor rhymes.

On the other hand, with genetic manipulation getting to where it is, what if we crossed ducks with piranha? That would be fantastic! It would be much more entertaining when watching people throw stale bread at them in the park. You can bet that bread will be fresh next time!

As should be obvious, it was a very long day and it’s very late. Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard.


Filed under Critters

2 responses to “Nibbled To Death By Ducks, May 9th

  1. I’m a little late to the game and I’m glad to see through your other posts that you’re still around…but I was seriously wondering about your well-being there for a minute with this post (LOL) and thinking perhaps you were sleep deprived. Or alcohol infused. Now that wouldn’t be too bad. But sleep deprived? That’s no fun. And even with your foggy brain, you still make a good point…ducks are ruthless but geese are just mean! 😀 And seriously, you should peddle the idea for PiranhaDuck to Syfy. I bet it would take off. They’re always looking for plot-lines with teeth. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Definitely sleep deprived. In my foolish youth I thought it was a badge of success and accomplishment. In my dotage, I know better.

      More alcohol is probably in order. Good call, thanks!


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