“You keep using that word…”
I’m stunned. Numb. Trying to figure out how to make it right again because it obviously can’t be true.
I’m trying to remember when I’ve felt this helpless, depressed, and upset.
When I got the call that my Dad had died without any warning? When my Mom passed away last year it was neither sudden or unexpected, but Dad’s heart attack came out of nowhere.
When we found out that The Long-Suffering Wife had cancer? That was scary as hell and changed our world, but we knew that they had caught it early and her odds were good.
When I got the call that my first wife, the kids’ mother, had died suddenly? Yeah, that was really bad, but I had to go into “Dad mode” and get things done, so there was a delay before I had the luxury of time to process it all. Of course, by that time there had been plenty of processing going in behind the scenes, whether I knew it or not.
When I was finally unemployed after 39 years of gainful employment? I was terrified of a very uncertain and frightening future, no doubt about it. But again, there was a surprise factor of zero-point-zero-zero, so “inconceivable” wasn’t a word in a lot of use at the time.
The “Challenger” explosion? “Columbia”? 9-11? Yeah, that’s more like it.
It’s going to take a while to process this. It’s down there in my life’s lowest points.
I very literally fear for the survival of our country, and not in some existential, far off day in the future. And that’s not even the worst case scenario I see.
What the hell have we done?