As some in the US might have noticed, there are a couple of lottery drawings that have built up large jackpots, if by “large” you mean “GARGANTUAN.” And that’s “gargantuan” as in “A BILLION FREAKING DOLLARS!!!!!!!” gargantuan. (I know, it’s advertised as a billion dollars but that’s if you take the money over several decades and if you take the cash it’s only $565,600,000 and then after Uncle Sam takes his share it’s barely $340,000,00 but what are you going to do? “Marketing” – am I right?)

Anyway, at lunch I walked down the block from the office to buy a Quick Pick ticket because it’s really hard to win without having a ticket (or so I’ve heard). On the way back, I damn near got run over crossing Ventura Boulevard when an SUV ran the red light.

A Bentley SUV.

“What the ACTUAL fuck???!!!!!” as the kids say.

Bentley makes an SUV???!!!!

Yes, indeedy, they do, as in this monstrosity. 600 HP, 664 lb-ft of torque, and it starts in the range of $250,000. One would think that a car costing a quarter million dollars wouldn’t have many accessories – one would be dead wrong. Read the bit in the article about the $160,000 Breitling clock that’s an option. It almost makes the $32,000 picnic basket seem reasonable.

So I didn’t win the lottery tonight – too soon to tell if anyone else did, but I figure I used all of my luck just getting out of the way of a luxury armored personnel carrier with quilted leather interior.

But at that MSRP it would no doubt have been an honor to have been smeared across two blocks of Ventura Boulevard if I hadn’t declined the opportunity. I mean, anyone can get picked off by a BMW or Mercedes in this town, they’re thick as flies. But it would be news if you got pegged by a Bentayga!

As long as they spell my name correctly, any publicity is good publicity?

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