What Did The Stones Ever Do To You?

“Leave no stone unturned!”

Wait, what did the stones ever do to you? They were out there in the dirt, or maybe on top of other stones, or possibly in the water. They were MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS, eroding a little, maybe cracking if a little water got in a sliver of open space and then froze, having mass, comfortable in their own sedimentary or metamorphic selves, but all in all just existing, when you come along and start flipping them over!

For what? What did you accomplish? You ruined some perfectly good lizard or bug hiding spots, taking away a little shade and exposing them to hawks and vultures and sparrow and feral cats and anteaters and iguanas and dolphins. You exposed the bottom side of the rock and now that mud there is drying out – AND THE NON-MUDDY SIDE IS NOW MUDDY!

If you need to know something, Google it like everyone else does! If you don’t know how to Google, how are you computer savvy enough to be reading this on this site, so why am I even talking to you? So the rest of you, get your act together and Google, leave the rocks alone!

This incomprehensible rant brought to you by random neurons short circuiting following an off the cuff remark by a baseball announcer at the end of another blown game by the Angels bullpen.

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