Category Archives: Farce

Mercy Killing

In Kansas City we bought snacks to carry around on our adventures, chasing holes in the clouds to try to find holes in the sky. (I really will get around to telling all those stories and downloading the video and pictures, but I’m still totally slammed trying to get caught up at the office and at the hangar, and trying to get ready for tomorrow’s “special event,” and there are only so many hours in the day…) Not all of those snacks got eaten. Since we had excess capacity in our baggage allowance (thanks, Southwest Airlines!!) many of the non-perishable snacks got brought home with us for use here.

Today I checked on one of them, a package of Oreo cookies.

It was horrible.

They had been badly smashed and broken. Those poor cookies had been sitting there like that for days, crying, screaming, suffering.

I put them out of their misery.

Every single one of them.

Every fragment.

Every loose dollop of creamy frosting.

It was the only merciful thing to do.

You would have done the same.

You know you would have.

And you would probably feel just as bad about it right now as I do.

If you know what I mean.

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Filed under Farce, Paul, Travel

Here, I Needed This, You Might Also

As the original post I saw said, “That’s pretty much EXACTLY how I would expect someone to talk after they got hit by lightning!”

I thought that I might need to call the paramedics to revive me ’cause I could barely breathe.

Some days…

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Filed under Farce, Paul

When

I started to type a question into Google tonight. Of course, as you start to type it tries to anticipate what your question will be.

I got as far as “When is…”

Not in this order (which might be saddest part of this) were:

When is The Bachelor on?

I could not conceivably care less – and even I know that it was yesterday. Is your life so sad, empty, and pathetic that you have to watch shows like this? And then you can’t even keep track of what day the big grand finale episode is? Gee, Mr. President…

When is the Super Bowl?

A legitimate question. Probably the first Sunday in February, but it might be the second, so all of the good Chiefs fans should check before asking for that time off.

When is Easter?

Again, a legitimate question. It moves around. There were people with ashes and Mardi Gras was a big deal about two weeks ago? -ish? (Note to self – we have GOT to get to Nawlins for Mardi Gras one of these years!) So, forty days of Lent means another month?

When is Christmas?

Really? No one could possibly ever ask a more stupid question than that!

When is the Fourth of July?

I stand corrected.

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Filed under Computers, Farce

Siri, My Darling Siri – March 12th

Okay, so as we’ve seen, I have a certain fascination with human-computer interfaces and Artificial Intelligence and Siri and so on.

Along those lines, I may have discovered a new game.

At risk of feeling a tiny little bit like I’m making fun of someone (something?) who’s handicapped, by accident yesterday I put some garbage input into Siri and got a freaking hilarious result.

“GIGO” is one of the first principles of computing. Garbage In, Garbage Out.

I don’t even remember at this point what the actual topic was, but I had been asking Siri a handful of questions. Part of it is that I’m trying to figure out how to better use Siri as a resource, so in essence, she’s training me. Part of it is probing to see what the limitations of the programming are.

Regardless, what I wanted to say was something like, “Siri, show me a…” Whatever it was I wanted her to show me, I got tongue tied and stumbled verbally, before going off into a “Blah, blah-blah, Blah Blah!” As you see in the blooper reels where an actor blows a line.

No harm, no foul.

Siri didn’t understand, but did the best with what I had given her:

Thanks, Siri! I needed that. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. (Probably since early November, but that’s a matter for the other blog.)

At least her programming is gracious when I thanked her.

Look at those 9% and 8% battery readings. Maybe she was hypoglycemic or something.

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Filed under Computers, Farce

I Saw Them

Guys! Guys! Guys! Listen up! I saw them!

I was taking the trash barrel out to the curb and there on the lawn was the Easter Bunny and his family. They were eating the Raisinettes!

Okay, so it was really dark, I don’t know that they were eating them, but they were over in that part of the yard, so what else could it be? Someone must be leaving them just to feed the bunnies!

(Anyone want to bet that I can milk at least one more stupid post out of this?)

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Filed under Farce

Not The Same Thing

Out for our usual Sunday morning breakfast at a local restaurant, I was listening to a conversation in the booth behind me when I almost choked and started dying from hysteria. I held it in, but it could have gone either way.

The person speaking was talking about The Carol Burnett Show and how he had discovered it. He was telling everyone about some of the class bits, including the one with Tim Conway, totally deadpan, talking about the Siamese elephants while everyone on the couch is trying to not fall off the couch laughing.

Our booth buddy was trying to remember who else was on the show with Tim and Carol when he said, “Oh, yeah, it was Roger Corman.”

I felt a LOT like Carol Burnett in that moment, trying very hard to not just lose it and go rolling around on the floor laughing. It wouldn’t have been polite.

Harvey, my friend, it’s Harvey. Harvey Korman. Not Roger Corman.

The two are not interchangeable. Although the thought does open up some intriguing possibilities…

{For the record – while there have been two, maybe three days in the past three-plus years when I haven’t posted here, all of them were caused by simple brain farts. Yesterday was the first day when there was a deliberate decision to skip a day. There was this power outage, then the computers were messed up, all with an 08:00 deadline this morning for a shit-ton of work that still had hours and hours to go before it was finished, and looking at the stack of work still there at about 23:00 and knowing that posting would mean I was up until 02:30 instead of 02:00 when I had to get up at 05:30… It was self-preservation.}

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Filed under Farce

I’ll Trade Pinks!

Let’s trade pinks! My white car for your white car!

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Straight up! No questions asked!

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Yours is already on the trailer – you can just deliver it to my house!

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My car? A Honda Fit. Why do you ask?

Hello? Come back! Wait!

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Filed under Farce, Los Angeles, Photography