Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Plus ça Change

While watching the horror of Notre-Dame burning in Paris, along with the sadness of losing both Gene Wolfe and Owen Garriott in the same day, and then hearing that the Falcon Heavy center booster was lost (after successfully landing on Of Course You Know I Love You but then breaking loose in heavy seas on the way back to Florida) I was especially saddened to see that the way we all treat disasters like this is the same way we all seem to treat everything these days – HORRIBLY.

The trolls.

The stupidity.

The racism.

The hatred.

It’s all there.

It’s an attempt at humor to say, “This is why we can’t have good things.” But maybe it’s true. Maybe for all of the wonderful things we can do as a species, such as spending hundreds of years to build places like Notre-Dame or landing first stage rockets on barges in the mid-Atlantic, maybe we’re just too ugly, too stupid, too immature to deserve such “nice things.”

I don’t want to believe that.

But there’s an awful lot of evidence out there today.

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No Context For You – April 01st

I have no clue – it’s on my phone and was taken at 19:07 tonight. All I know is that my personal Rorschach Test sees that big thing on the left with a decidedly Georgia O’Keeffe vibe going on.

I’ve been enjoying my Bose wireless headphones quite a bit, pretty much on a daily basis for at least an hour or two once I get home from the office. The batteries will hold a full charge for close to a week at that rate (about 20 hours total is what they say, and I’m finding that to be pretty accurate) but I usually charge them overnight before they get too depleted.

Until last night.

One feature of these headphones is a little robot voice that will tell you what the battery status is when they’re turned on. (I think the little voice will tell you a couple dozen other things, like if there’s an incoming phone call and so on.) Last night, I found that when the battery starts to get low, you’ll get spoken warnings once the battery is down to about 10%.

I kept going since I was on a roll with a project. I got another warning. Or two.

Then I heard, “My battery’s low, please recharge me now.”

And all I could think of was Opportunity’s last message. “My battery is low and it’s getting dark.”

A headphone’s simple warning about battery status shouldn’t leave you wanting a pillow fort, hot chocolate, and some alone time.

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esrevinU ehT gnilttaB

!sdrawkcab ti gniod tsuj m’I ebyaM

)skool yi naht redrah hcum s’ti dna – siht od uoy nehw tuo skaerf kcehclleps ,IYF(

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Silly Shit

Battling The Universe

Trying to shape the Universe to the image of what it should be is exhausting. And frustrating. Also, I’m not being terribly successful at the moment.

Some part of my brain that got infected by the 70’s says I should let go, stop battling the tide, but instead go with it, learn to be one with it, understand the ebbs and flows and in turn gain the wisdom to shape it, not by force, but by persuasion.

Another particularly smartass part of my brain is now thinking of the movie version of “Dune” with Kyle MacLachlan riding a sandworm – I like the smartass part of my brain, but it’s not always the most useful. Like now.

So, turning our attention back to the sliver of brain that’s stuck in the 70’s, it’s suggesting that I learn to surf (the power of the ocean can not be overcome, but can be partnered with to bring fluidity, joy, and motion, blah blah blah) or ski (ditto with the big mountains, lots of snow, ice, avalanches, polar bears, etc). That brain sliver conveniently forgets that I swim about as well as your average cinder block so surfing is contraindicated, and I already know how to ski but I hate being cold and that’s a big part of why I haven’t been on skis in more than forty-five years.

70’s brain sliver is gonna get me killed.

Stupid brain.

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Random Observation – March 09th

Going to a full-court press with 6:00 left while you’re down 75-35 despite being a heavy favorite probably means you’ve waited to long to make adjustments.

It occurs to me that this is probably true in many aspects of life, not just college basketball.

Oh, and have I mentioned how much I freaking ***HATE*** switching back and forth for Daylight Saving Time? (I have.) This is why I want to live on or near the equator. Twelve hours of light, twelve hours of darkness, 365 days a year.

Too many moving parts sometimes, a little ration of boring predictability can go a long way.

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No Context For You – March 06th

The devout, well brainwashed, compliant seven year-old Catholic school kid buried deep down inside me (trust me, he was is a real sanctimonious little prick) wants to give up something for Lent. Something grand and noble and… sanctimonious, like Diet Coke, chocolate, fear, or hatred.

The significantly older atheist who now occupies this meat suit (who might still be a real prick on a regular basis, but at least he’s not sanctimonious about it) wants to give up all of the crap that makes getting out of bed in the morning such a pain in the ass. But since that crap pays the bills and is required for that whole “responsible adult” thing, that’s not gonna happen either.

Someone online suggested giving up hope for Lent – they may be onto something. But that seems extreme and I’m too tired for anything extreme. So maybe I’ll just give up caring instead.

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That Feeling Of Impending Doom – Again

There was a day a few days ago when I was… Disturbed. Upset. Anxious. Angry. Exhausted. Frustrated. Furious. PISSED OFF.

That fortunately doesn’t happen often. In this instance I was able to work my way through it and finally calm down in large part because I knew exactly WHY I was disturbed, upset, anxious, angry, exhausted, frustrated, furious, and pissed off. There was no secret, just a need to keep moving and work through it.

Tonight’s much more annoying.

Most of those symptoms again, although not nearly at the intensity level of last week. Yet it’s still plenty strong enough to make me feel like shit.

What my father used to call “a feeling of impending doom.”

It’s annoying because I really don’t have a clue WHY I’m feeling that way. The day had its ups and downs, there’s some stress at work with a big event coming at us like a freight train, working on the year end and audit, and so on – but nothing to justify or trigger this kind of feeling. I didn’t have any clown on his cell phone while driving try to kill me on my commute home.

Which makes me wonder – what if there’s something that happened that triggered these feelings and was so strong that I’ve just completely wiped it from my memory? That would scare the shit out of me.

“A feeling of impending doom.”

The key is that it’s a feeling.

It’s not head-based. There’s not a storm or hurricane coming. There’s not a threat of war. My job isn’t in jeopardy. I don’t have some strange growth or pain or blood in my stool. There’s no obvious evidence or warning – but my subconscious is putting together things that I can’t identify and hitting that hormonal klaxon.

That’s much more annoying.

Here’s what has not helped put those feelings at rest or calmed my nerves:

  1. Dinner (chili)
  2. Double stuffed Oreos
  3. My usual ’80’s music from Sirius/XM
  4. My playlist of favorites
  5. “Hamilton” (this might have been when I started to get really worried)
  6. “Star Trek” reruns (TOS, so it might have actually made things worse)
  7. Tuvan throat singing videos (it was worth a shot)
  8. Writing this post (although it helps – if I can force or trick myself into a place of creativity it can break the spell)

“Spell” might be the key word there. The software running on my meat computer (my ego, created by my brain) knows that this is just a mood (or too much sugar from those Oreos) and will pass. The feeling, the fear, the doom, the twisted up gut – those all come from the meat computer and the hormonal soup that it swims it.

Stupid brain.

Tomorrow the sun will rise. (Wait, is that what I found out… Nah!) Everything’s Gonna Be OK. (EGBOK!)

Unless, of course…

Nah. Let’s try bluegrass music. Sometimes that works.

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