Category Archives: Health

Only One Choice

Sitting, keeping the idiot box off, listening to a favorite playlist with the really nice headphones on, dealing with a bit of old, familiar pain, more of a bit of discomfort really but always with that threat of having it explode into agony, but it probably won’t and I’ll just be sitting uneasy for a day or two.

Great, just in time for that three-day weekend that I so desperately need.

Juggling, lots of unresolved, low-level fears and angers, disturbances, trust issues, uncertainties, trying to figure if there’ some gaslighting going on or if I’m simply going batshit crazy at last, thinking about how unfair it’s going to be if it’s hallucinations and losing my grip when it’s not the good hallucinations, the ones with the karmic out-of-body experiences and multi-dimensional, mind-blowing colors and sounds and sensations, but instead getting the grey, boring ones that are like that last fifteen minutes of stolen sleep before you really have to get out of bed but all your stupid, stupid brain can spit out are endless anxiety dreams where you can’t get some boring accounting journal to balance.

Physical discomfort, mentally off-balance a bit, all leading to a headache that I could really have done without, especially when I’ve already taken Extra Strength Excedrin and can’t take any more so I’m just going to have to suck it up and keep breathing.

The playlist spins. Garth Brooks. ‘Til Tuesday. Linkin Park. The Eagles.

“Life In The Fast Lane.”

Only one choice.

Fuck the headache, it will be there either way. Hit the volume and see if the really nice headphones can take it to eleven.

Then play it again. Just because.

Lower the volume as it fades. Move on. Still breathing.

Got a website article to write for tonight.

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Filed under Health, Music

Plan B

Lemons —> Lemonade

I had work to do at the CAF hangar as I normally do on Saturday, but we were having an event there which had the entire location packed to the gills. I probably could have gotten in since I work there, but I had a new printer (weighing in at 50 pounds) and would have had to park blocks and blocks away, then walk while carrying the printer plus my briefcase and other stuff.

I had a Plan B.

Our storage unit is just on the other side of the runway (this is not an accident) and I’ve still got plenty of work to do to clean up following our move eleven months ago. Way too much of the last few days (looking back at it I still can’t quite believe we actually pulled it off) was spent simply stuffing boxes into storage as fast as possible because there were no other options or alternatives. So sorting stuff into order is still a work in progress.

Five hours later I was quite exhausted – I don’t get enough exercise these days, which has got to change. But for today there was more sweating, lifting, hauling, and flat-out grunt work than I’ve had in several months. So I locked up and went over to the hangar to see how quickly I could get the bare minimum “accounting stuff” done. (About three and a half hours.)

The good news is that my watch is thrilled with me. For the first time since I got it, I closed all three rings. (If you don’t have an Apple Watch, just go with “It’s a good thing!”)

What I find hilarious is the red graph – four to five hours where the activity readings are pegged, followed by a rapid decent to the rest of the day sitting at a desk and plotzing, watching repeats of yesterday’s SpaceX launch, watching the new Star Wars IX trailer, and generally being sore and stiff and waiting for the sweet, sweet release of the grave.

Tomorrow’s another day. Kick ass – take names!

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Filed under CAF, Castle Willett, Health

In & Out

It’s not just a premium hamburger chain any more. It’s how we spent our day dealing with the hospital, starting at 04:30.

The Long-Suffering Wife is back home again tonight, and that’s a good thing. It was touch and go and she actually was re-admitted this morning, but they think they’ve got the latest issue figured out and corrected, so we’re gonna try this “sleep in our own bed” thing again.

Much better is the fact that the biopsy results are in and they show her to be CANCER FREE! We are not anticipating the need for any follow up treatments such as chemotherapy or radiation. They caught it early, they dealt with it, we have a great doctor, and despite the usual annoyances and delays that are a part of dealing with a huge, complex operation (see what I did there?) like a major hospital in a huge healthcare organization, it went just about as smoothly as could be possibly be hoped for with results that are about the best conceivable given that we’re dealing with cancer to begin with.

See, posting that “FUCK CANCER!” thing last night twice worked! (That was odd by the way – WTF is up with FaceBook with that particular issue?)

Now I really, REALLY need to get some sleep. A third of a night’s sleep combined with three weeks’ worth of adrenaline is highly contraindicated.

 

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Filed under Family, Health

FUCK Cancer – Again

I know it’s been said before, unfortunately even here previously (five years ago), but it’s time to say it again:

“FUCK Cancer!”

Tonight I brought The Long Suffering Wife home from the hospital, having once again had a major surgery for cancer. We are hopeful that it was caught early (we won’t know exactly for a few more days when the biopsy reports come in) and she’s an Olympic gold medalist in quick healing. It helps a lot that the procedure was done laparoscopically, and it helps a lot that she had a truly outstanding surgeon. Still, they were telling us to expect at least four to five days in the hospital, possibly even twice that, and she’s home in half of that.

So now it’s time for recovery again, a slow climb back to a new “normal.”

It also should explain the tone of many posts in the last couple of months. Let’s hope that the tone can improve along with the situation.

(Interesting – FaceBook in their infinite prudery won’t allow me to post a link that has “fuck” in the name? Let’s see if this alternative URL name will work…)

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Filed under Family, Health

FUCK Cancer – Again

I know it’s been said before, unfortunately even here previously (five years ago), but it’s time to say it again:

“FUCK Cancer!”

Tonight I brought The Long Suffering Wife home from the hospital, having once again had a major surgery for cancer. We are hopeful that it was caught early (we won’t know exactly for a few more days when the biopsy reports come in) and she’s an Olympic gold medalist in quick healing. It helps a lot that the procedure was done laparoscopically, and it helps a lot that she had a truly outstanding surgeon. Still, they were telling us to expect at least four to five days in the hospital, possibly even twice that, and she’s home in half of that.

So now it’s time for recovery again, a slow climb back to a new “normal.”

It also should explain the tone of many posts in the last couple of months. Let’s hope that the tone can improve along with the situation.

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Filed under Family, Health

Too Tired To Sleep

Bad night.

Long day.

Tomorrow’s going to be much longer.

Have to get up at O’Dark Thirty – need to go get some sleep while I can.

Too tired to get up and go to bed.

Too tired to sleep once I get there.


This shit was a badge of honor when I was twenty-two and I did what I had to do to get through college.

This shit was a pain in the ass when I was forty-two and I had to do what I had to do as a single dad.

Now it’s just shit. Maybe twenty years from now I’ll have something clever to say about it – right now, not so much.

G’night all.

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Health

Not So Funny Today

It’s a matter of perspective. I know that I’ve linked to another version of this comedy bit in the past and I often laugh my ass off at it. At the moment however…

I can think of a number of activities and events that are a better reason to be walking bow-legged.

Maybe I’ll just sit here, quietly, and listen to “Hamilton” again.

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Filed under Health, Paul