Just Dandy!

Normally I have my phone set up with the “Silence Unknown Callers” option turned on. It does a marvelous job of letting through anyone in my contacts list or anyone who I’ve called, while sending spam calls straight to voice mail. Anyone who is not a spammer has the option of leaving me a message and if it’s important I’ll get back to them. (Spammers who leave a voice mail are just slow learners.)

But today I was expecting a work call from someone who wouldn’t be in my contacts list yet and who would probably be calling from a number I wouldn’t recognize, so I had that feature off. And of course, that’s when the spam call came in.

I was in a good mood, so when the semi-cheerful voice clicked in and asked how I was, I didn’t suggest any anatomically impossible sexual acts, I just said, “I’m just dandy!”

Friends – I’m here to tell you that I’ve stumbled on an amazingly fun and entertaining way of screwing with the heads and wasting the time of these folks!

They’ve learned some English, but they don’t know any colloquialisms! No jargon! No aphorisms!

“You’re sandy?” was the response I got.

“No, DANDY! In fact, I’m FINE and dandy!”

“You’re bendy? I don’t understand.”

“Oh, my poor sweet child, they taught you English words, but they didn’t teach you how to speak English! D – A – N – D – Y, ‘dandy!'”

“Mandy?”

“Tell you what, call me back and give me your spammer phishing spiel when you figure out what a ‘colloquialism’ is and how to spell it!”

Just think of what I could do with a heavy Southern accent! Or a New England accent where I say “wicked” or “wicked bad!” with every line of bullshit served.

I’m telling you, we could have their heads exploding at the other end of the line, like a bad remake of “Scanners!”