Proof Of Life – June 15th

You want to talk about an actual invasion of Los Angeles? Here! The freakin’ gophers are killing my yard from below!

This spot of lawn has a couple of recent mounds on the left, and three or four of them on the right. I was standing there in the middle of the two spots, minding my own business, middle of the day, and not five feet from me another chunk of sod shifted and that buck toothed little bastard stuck its head out, wished me a Happy Father’s Day, flipped me the bird, stuck out its tongue, and vanished.

I proceeded to thoroughly perforate the ground out for a couple of feet in all directions, finally leaving the pitch fork buried deep in the central tunnel opening, but I have no idea if I got him. I have no way of tracking him or knowing where he’s at down below. It could have seen me, mocked me, and then been 100 yards away two houses down the block by the time I grabbed the Pitchfork O’ Death. Or it could have been three feet away. I’ll never know.

Yes, I have become a cartoon character. FML!