Juicy Chunks O’ Wisdom For Monday, July 14th

‘Cause I’m going to watch the Home Run Derby, that’s why.

• Say what you want about GoDaddy, but they have the best music when you’re on hold — ragtime! (And I really wasn’t even on hold that long.)
• The secret to really enjoying your “Saturday Night Safety Dance” experience, contrary to popular belief, is not to turn it all the way up loud and dance all night. No, instead keep your volume at the ready, but keep the sound in the five to six range for all of those “Eh, that song, okay, whatever” songs, then crank it up and really rattle the walls  when you hear something really good coming on. Like Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” or Pet Shop Boys’ magnificent mashup “Where The Streets Have No Names (I Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You).” Then turn it back down, rest, and save your energy for the next set of the good stuff.
• Cloudy, humid, and something like five drops of rain on the windshield and every driver in LA decides he wants to run me off the road this morning. Oh, wait, they do that every morning, regardless of the weather…
• Is it just me, or is the senior leadership of the NIH and CDC collectively acting like a gaggle of clueless freakin’ idiots? They’re losing anthrax samples, they’re carrying deadly virus samples around in simple ziplock freezer bags, they’re finding viable samples of smallpox that should have been destroyed thirty years ago, and the management response to all of this looks more like the Three Stooges. I know that I feel better knowing they’re in charge. Them and those Congress-critters running the gummint. We’ll all be fine. Don’t worry. Watch some television. “Honey Boo-Boo” is on next.
• I had the oddest little encounter today with a jewelry store manager. (I was trying to get the battery replaced in my watch.) I can’t remember the last time anyone blatantly hit on me (trust me, as dense and naive as I am, it has to be blatant before I realize that it’s happening), but I can guarantee that this was the first time I was hit on by a guy. I wasn’t offended or repulsed so much as I was confused.
• Congratulations are in order to both Orbital Sciences and SpaceX! On back-to-back days they successfully had hardware leaving the planet, Orbital sending a Cygnus cargo ship to ISS and SpaceX launching a Falcon 9 with six communications satellites. I love it when a plan comes together!
• Along those lines, mark your calendars, one year from today the New Horizons spacecraft makes mankind’s first visit to Pluto before heading off into the Kuiper Belt to look for something else to fly by. The last of the planets to be seen up close, finally. (Don’t you dare even start with me…)
• “99 Texting Acronyms & Phrases That Every Parent Should Know” popped up as a recommendation in my Twitter feed today, and while I can see where it could be helpful to a (possibly large) number of parents who are really technophobic and naive, I see another issue. If you’re a parent (or the author) and you have to use “f***” instead of “fuck” or “sh**” instead of “shit” or “a**” instead of “ass”, you’re going to have a lot more problems communicating with your children than just not being able to understand their text messages. I understand that there are words one doesn’t say in certain company or at work or around people who might be offended, and I’m not suggesting that everyone should be spewing the Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television in every sentence. But if you’re afraid to either speak or write words that your kids are using (and I pretty much guarantee that they’re using them like sailors when they’re not around you) you’re starting a battle with one arm tied behind your back.

Remember, “I’ve only got two speeds and if you don’t like this one, you’re going to hate the other!”