Google Doesn’t Know EVERYTHING

…which is really not where this was intended to go or to start, but my brain is sort of off the leash at the moment. A thousand apologies in advance.

For the first time in recent memory I just got a response of “No results found for…” from Google. I’m sure you could Google a totally nonsense phrase and get that result. For example, let’s try “watermelon elephant button singing” – yep, that works, although there are a disturbing number of images for “watermelon elephant.”

But for something that I actually expected a reasonable likelihood of getting a hit or an answer, it’s hard to get NOTHING. However, as proof that it can happen, I find that if you search for “Thufir Hawat starter kit” you get a null result.

“Interesting,” you’re thinking (I hope), “but why in the world would one wish to Google search for the phrase ‘Thufir Hawat starter kit’?”

It’s because it’s a phrase that’s stuck in my head, having heard someone use it. My gut says that it might have been something on John Scalzi’s (most excellent) “Whatever” website, but a search there comes up with a null result as well. Maybe it was on Chuck Wendig’s (most excellent) “Terribleminds” website? Nope.

Let’s throw caution to the wind and take a step further down into the rabbit hole. “Why do you want to know who said it?”

Well, obviously, because I want to give them credit! I think it’s an incredibly clever phrase, and it perfectly describes, in a totally nerdy and geeky fashion, a phenomenon that is starting to make me nuts in my old age.

“I know I’ll regret asking, but what phenomenon is that?”

Eyebrows that go insane and grow in all directions and with a speed that puts kudzu to shame, of course!

File Mar 26, 23 00 07

Look at that! I had my eyebrows trimmed up when I got a haircut two weeks ago and I have these freakin’ BUSHES growing out in all directions now! They’re long and thick and white and they don’t behave themselves or look good at all!

It’s the Thufir Hawat starter set!

My apologies to whomever it was who uttered that clever bit – no doubt a middle-aged male who was quite as disgusted with this turn of fate as I am. I tried to give you credit, I really did. But Google failed me.

(For the record, I’m one of the least vain humans you will ever meet in your life. While I maintain relatively normal grooming standards and bathe regularly, I have never given two shakes about my hair, my looks, or my clothes. Looking “cool” or “hip” or “fashionable” is a pursuit I abandoned when Eisenhower was President. I just have never given a rat’s ass about any of that. So the fact that something like this is now bugging the crap out of me is what’s REALLY on my nerves. Perhaps I’ll just go “full Amanda Palmer.” Or better yet, Ilia/V’Ger!

Okay, I’ll stop now. You’re welcome.)


Filed under Health, Paul, Photography

2 responses to “Google Doesn’t Know EVERYTHING

  1. Do you remember a ‘game’ we did about 10-15 years ago called Google-whacking? I think that was its name, anyway. You put two words into google and aimed to find a pair that brought up a null result. I know I got a few paired with cheesecake (I may have been doing Guys and Dolls at the time). Doubt if it would work now.
    PS eyebrows look just fine. Better than mine, in fact!

    Liked by 1 person

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