They say one should never make a decision in anger. (They also apparently say you should never make a promise when happy, but that sounds like bullshit.)
Tonight, I shouldn’t be allowed to answer the question that titles this post.
I know it will pass. But like Spock in the first JJ Abrams “Star Trek” after Kirk finally gets under his skin (and his planet and millions of his people including his mother have been killed – details) I’m probably better off counting backwards from 1,000 in German.
That’s what an adult would do.
Neunhundert neun und neunzig
Neunhundert acht und neunzig
Neunhundert sieben and neunnzig
Neunhundert sechs und neunszig
Neunhundert fünf und neunzig
Neunhundert vier und neunzig
Neunhundert drei und neunzig
Neunhundert zwei und neunzig
Neunhundert ein und neunzig
Tonight’s salvation (it’s been a rough week/month/year and what I’m not getting in sleep I’m making up for in stress) comes from Wynonna:
Thanks! I needed that!
I might just get through all of the crap I have to do now following a long day of crap I had to do then!
(I know — if bitching and whining become an Olympic sport, I’m a contender!)
When I was getting up at 03:00 to be leaving at 04:00 to be on site at 05:00 last week, I found this monster hanging around on the wall by the front door. I figured it was a rare catch, or at least unusual, and it would fly away at any second.
But then it was still there when I got home. And the next night. And the next.
Finally it was gone, with just a gooey red streak on the wall where it had been. Not quite sure what that all adds up to.
But it was a honkin’ big moth!
Tonight there’s a Sandy-sized hole in my heart.
Sandy was a close, dear friend in high school. We had a lot of adventures together. We lost touch for a while after high school, but a few years back we finally reconnected.
Whenever I made it back to Vermont I always made a point to get together if we possibly could. When I couldn’t get to Vermont or she was off being a snowbird in Florida we would swap jokes and snarky comments online.
Today a fair-to-middlin’ shitty day got a whole lot worse when I got a call from Jackie, her partner of I-don’t-even-know how many years. Sandy had been fine on Saturday night, stayed up late to chat with her brother who was visiting. Sunday morning she was gone, peacefully, in her sleep.
We’ve had classmates that have passed away in the 45+ years. Some I barely knew, some I had at least a passing acquaintance with, one or two that I had been close to back in the day. But none so far that I had been this close to. This one hit me like a brick.
It will take a few days to process, and probably more to accept. I’ll never forget her smile, her laugh, or her bear hugs.
In 2015 when I was back in Vermont to visit my mother as she went downhill, Sandy took me out for a kayaking day around Center Pond in northern Vermont. While I’ll cherish my memories of her from high school, I’ll equally cherish the memories of this day on the lake with the loons. And I’m glad that we made time to get together in June when we were back for my 45th.
How long does it take to feel rested again? How long to feel good, to feel energetic? How long before you don’t feel guilty sitting all day and taking a long nap because you just don’t have the energy for anything else?
Two days isn’t the answer.
And tomorrow morning, bright and early, we’re back at it.
Long term, that might be contraindicated as well. But any possible alternative option is not obvious.
We have some monsoonal moisture moving into the area with a Pacific hurricane developing several hundred miles off the coast of Baja. I’m hoping that it could bring us a bit of rain here in LA, but that’s highly unlikely. There may be some pop-up thunderstorms in the mountains and deserts, but not where we are.
What it did bring is a slightly better than boring sunset. I’ll take what I can get. Especially with what’s going on with Hurricane Dorian over the Bahamas tonight and potentially over Florida in the next 24-48 hours.
With the EMHE experience behind us (they did finish it up late last night) it was time to get back to my other obsession.
Most of the aircraft that aren’t in maintenance were out on the ramp. The F-8F Bearcat (left), F-6F Hellcat (center), and P-51 (enter left, just in front of the Hellcat’s left wing) were all prepped and ready to fly for the memorial service of a WWII vet that was being held at our hangar. The PBJ (right) and Jason’s MIG-17 (center right, red plane in front of the Hellcat’s right wing) were out there for show.
I’m told it was a great day for flying. (I was at a desk, doing finance things all day.)
And now for two days of sitting on my ass a lot. Maybe reading. Maybe a movie or two.
Or maybe just some quality nap time.
As wiser people than I have pointed out, when you get old enough you find that things that were punishments as a child (“Go to your room and just sit there and think!” or “Go get in bed early, right now!”) have become hard won rewards.