Category Archives: Christmas Lights

The music swells. Cymbals crash. We ascend to a major key! There might even be a flourish of trumpets with a hint of a Christmas carol theme!!

Without even looking, you know that it’s about “Something:58,” often referred to as “Two Minutes from the Top of the Hour,” aka “They’re Finally Kissing at the Conclusion of the Hallmark Christmas Movie!”

Every. Single. Hour. 24/7. From about a week before Thanksgiving until 00:01 on the 26th. At which point the New Year’s movies start.

Or it means that the DIY Christmas cards are finally going in the mail tomorrow.

Po-TAY-toe, po-TAA-toe.

When April 10th rolls around and I’m stressed as hell and there’s no way on Earth I’ve got the time to get my tax returns done, I can file an extension and get another four months before I have to worry about it.

When property taxes are due and I’m stressed as hell (and broke), I can file an extension and get another couple of months by paying a small penalty.

Christmas is now less than five days away, I’m stressed as hell, there’s no way on Earth I’ve got the time to do half of what I need to get done — so where do I file an extension and get another three or four months before I have to worry about it?

What?

You’re telling me that the alleged “jolly,” fat, old elf is more hardcore and tightassed about deadlines than the IRS is?

That must be a definition of “jolly” that I’m not familiar with.

“Ho, ho, ho!” my ass!

Desperate times (or lack of any time at all) call for desperate measures.

I can also report that Microsoft Publisher, while containing the odd bug and annoyance, actually works – unlike my fully paid for but totally non-functional copy of Adobe Photoshop CS3. From zero to “Hey, this doesn’t completely suck!” in just three hours.