Category Archives: Critters

I STILL Hate The Tax & Audit Season

I say this mainly because between one thing and another, this is the second night in a row where all of a sudden I’m noticing that the clock is at 23:50 and my brain is thinking it’s like 21:50.

Last night I thought that all of those pictures of Fifi were “critters.” Obviously not – but I will mention that, weather & mechanical issues allowing, Fifi will be at our SoCal Wing in Camarillo for a week starting next Tuesday.

Meanwhile, with no time to spare, here are some reruns of actual critters.

I hope.

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CSI: Front Yard

The evidence was everywhere. From a distance it looked like fluff, like fur, like that down that you find down near the skin on one of those rabbits, those mongrel cottontails that had been making such a mess of the flower beds in the neighborhood. I moved in closer to take a gander.

Closer inspection showed it to be feathers. A lot of small ones, only one or two big ones. The small feathers meant that it wasn’t a gander. Or a goose. Or a duck, or a cardinal, or a peacock, or an emu. That greyish white meant it had been a crow or mockingbird. Probably one of the neighborhood mourning doves.

No sign of any bones or blood, but plenty of feathers, scattered over a wide area of the lawn. Something violent had happened here, something deadly, something lethal, something fatal. The victim of this crime wasn’t stunned, resting, or pining for the fjords.

What could do something like this? What was big enough to take down a mourning dove with one swell foop and then carry its probably still struggling and squawking and squirming carcass off to feast on it elsewhere. There was that feral cat that’s been roaming the neighborhood and he had the look of being a member of that well-known bird killing gang, the Tuxedos. He could have done it if he was stealthy enough. But I knew this one. I had him sussed, I knew his measure. He had fallen off the wall last week after I startled him – that klutz wasn’t sneaking up on anything with wings.

No, this hit had all the earmarks of a Death From Above. Could one of those hawks have taken this critter out and carried it off for dinner? Sure they could have. And we see lots of them around hear. One dive from 1,200 feet, a fast flare, a flash of talons, a flap of wings, a liftoff toward a nest up in the rocks on Castle Peak – it would have been the deadliest touch-and-go you’ll ever see. But that’s not where my money was.

This was a nocturnal hit. This happened by the light of the moon, the stars, and that stupid streetlight that’s right there where it blocks my view of my telescope. I had heard that this Hedwig, this Archimedes, this Woodsy wannabe was back in town. He’d been out there hooting for the last week. Now I knew where he had been dining and dashing. I checked the video cameras to see if he’d been caught, but he was smart. The hit had occurred right outside the camera’s field of view. Now we would never have the evidence to convict, but I knew. Oh, yeah – I knew.

Safe in the light of day I walked back to my car, knowing that tonight I would have to walk back up to the house in the dark.

I would be listening for the rushing sound of wings coming up behind me.

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Home Alone

We’ve lived in this house for over twenty-six years. There have always been kids, wives (not multiple ones at the same time, smartass!), dogs, cats, etc.

Tonight I’m home alone for what I think is only the third or fourth day in that entire span. It’s a little odd.

For one thing it’s quiet. Like, really quiet. While I’ve been watching the World Baseball Classic on television (let’s hear it for the USA!!) I’ve found it easier to watch with the sound off. Fewer annoying ads that way, and no need to keep turning the sound off and on as the ads come and go.

Then the noises started.

Okay, so I’m not entirely alone. It sounds like Rocky and/or Raquel and the brood are up on the roof. I’m used to that, although it’s surprisingly loud when I’m not hearing it over music or the television.

Once they left, I started hearing a chirping every minute or so. Today, of all days, a smoke alarm started getting low on its battery.

Once I killed that, I was startled by some fairly loud gurgling and watery sounds. I honestly didn’t know what it was and was starting to fear the worst when I got up to investigate. It turns out my short-term memory also sucks – the sounds came from the dish washer I had started a while ago.

(Which is also weird. I’m proud of my “dish washer Tetris” skills but had to start it when it was less than half full. With just me and my visiting son here for a few days, we used paper plates but ran out of silverware. I thought it better to run a half-empty dishwasher rather than going out and buying more silverware.)

Then the music started. I was in the living room but I could hear music from my office. I came in here to find some great tunes playing from my usual Sirius-XM station. The only thing is that there’s apparently no browser open, and it’s not playing a recording from an earlier broadcast, so I have no clue why it started suddenly or how it’s playing.

At least my poltergeists share my taste in music! (Or they can’t change the channel.)

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Filed under Castle Willett, Computers, Critters, Family, Music

Found On The Lawn

I went out this morning and found that someone had spilled a whole bag of Raisinettes on the front lawn.

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I mean, they were everywhere! Must have been a big bag, even though I didn’t see any sign of it. Must have blown away in that big wind we had last night.

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They must have been really old and stale. I tried a couple, they really tasted like shit!

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Fred The Wonder Lizard!

Last Sunday was finally warm after days and days of wet, grey, gloomy weather. Coming back in from breakfast and grocery shopping, we found Fred out sunning himself. (Or herself – we’ve never checked that closely and wouldn’t know what to check for if we did and would just get bitten for our effort, so screw it.)

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Normally at the first sight of us Fred will skitter off at Warp Eight. But not on Sunday. He just sat there. We actually had to be careful stepping over him, expecting him to make a break for the bushes at any second.

Nada. Ten minutes later, when I came back out with the camera, he was still there in the same spot.

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I was quite surprised at how close I was able to get with the camera, down to about six inches. At first I thought he might be dead, but then I could see his eyes were open and darting back and forth.

He might have been waiting to soak up those last few photons that he needed to reboot his cold-blooded little carcass, because all of a sudden he spun about 10° to face me, opened his mouth in astonishment (okay, he might have been hissing at me), and took off at Warp Sixty-Four.

I had thought that he might be in danger out there of the local hawks and other birds, but then I realized what his game was. He’s Fred the Wonder Lizard! He was luring the hawks down by playing dead, at which point he was going to kick their ass and take them as prey back to his lair!

A tough guy, indeed!

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Memories Of The Hilton Ballroom – Part One

It was an interesting and useful conference. I learned a lot about the topic at hand. I met some good people and talked about our projects. It could lead to some interesting things.

Which is not to say that every seminar was…”riveting.” It’s possible for a couple that “tedious” might be a better term.

Then the pigeon showed up.

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Sorry it’s not a better picture. It was quick and to be fair, the seminar in question was still in progress, so there was a limited amount of shenanigans that I could pull off.

No clue how the pigeon got into the Hilton ballroom, if it was a permanent resident (sort of like Slimer in “Ghostubsters”), or if it was just squab on the hoof. After a couple hours of meetings, there were more than enough crumbs from people’s snacks and breakfast to keep it  fat.

It waddled mostly, going underneath the chairs and scaring the crap out of some people when it snuck up behind and past them.

It was most certainly more interesting than the second hour of discussions on the government’s 24-month/5% rule!

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Filed under Critters, Photography, Travel

Packing

Wait, that business trip is tomorrow night? Like, “tomorrow” as in twenty-two hours from now I get to drive four hours at the end of a twelve-hour day “tomorrow”?

If you need me, I’ll be off packing a bag.

Meanwhile, have a pelican.

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Because you can, damn it!

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Close Encounter

Got home from the hangar tonight – dark, cold, drizzly. I had driven the van today, so I went over to Hissy to throw my sunglasses in. They bounced off the seat and onto the floor.

Disgusted, I started walking around the back side of the car to go over to the passenger side so I could open the door there and pick them up. As I turned the corner at the back of the car, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Fortunately, I froze immediately.

A black figure. A stripe of white? Was that a cat?

Sniff.

NOPE, not a cat!

Freezing had saved me. Pepe LePew sauntered down the sidewalk not three feet away, oblivious. (I’m told they have so-so eyesight – lucky me.) Up across our yard, by the bushes up against the house, past the garage and the cars in the driveway, into the back yard toward the trash cans.

Some days it’s better to be lucky than good!

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The Raccoons Want To Share Our Thanksgiving

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends – I hope that you did as well!

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Tonight the raccoons on the roof are being particularly rowdy and I can also hear some sort of pounding, almost as if someone’s banging on a door or periodically. That’s a new one, which has caused me to poke around outside. Nothing seen, but on the last trip out it occurs to me that it might be coming from our trash cans, which would boom a little bit like a drum if something were hitting them.

Or if something, say, a raccoon, were trying to get into it by lifting the lid and not quite able to get it open before dropping the lid back down. And then trying again. And then running off when I stick my head outside. And then trying again. And again.

Normally they don’t ever even bother, and the trash cans we get from the City of Los Angeles are pretty critter proof. I wonder what could be in that trash can tonight that might cause them to go the extra mile to try to get in there?

It’s a mystery.

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And Then It Was Wednesday

(Don’t worry, I’ll get back to posting travel pictures and silly crap here any day.)

Signs and portents everywhere. Or maybe I was just putting some serious anthropomorphizing moves on the universe.

First song up on the random playlist getting ready for work was Elton John’s “Funeral For A Friend.”

People seemed to be driving even more insanely than usual, and that bar is set pretty high in Los Angeles.

There were DOZENS of robocalls to my cell phone today. Instead of maybe one a week, all with fake caller ID’s from all over the country, these all came in from the local area code and were spoofed to look like they might be from the immediate area. I caught on after the first two (and fortunately answered one from the office during lunch that looked EXACTLY like the others) but I don’t believe the timing was a coincidence.

Everyone was in the dumps at work, except for the one new guy who’s apparently a big Drudge Report and Trumpencritter sort of dude. Someone finally made him go buy cookies for everyone since he was being so obnoxious. (They were very good cookies.)

Not knowing exactly what to do next, some folks were actually at least looking at websites about emigration to Canada, New Zealand, Mars, wherever. Others were talking about starting to drink heavily. Others said they just wanted to crawl into bed with an endless supply of ice cream and not be bothered for four years.

I went to the gym for the first time in forever. 30 minutes on the bike, 30 minutes of weights, 5 minutes rowing, 30 minutes on the treadmill.

When in doubt, do something really outrageous responsible, insane adult-like, and over the top mundane! That’s the way to stick it to the Man be boring as dishwater! George Carlin My mother and Abby Hoffman Sister Mary Thecla would be proud!

And now the neighborhood skunk has gotten spooked, apparently either in our yard or one of the yards next to ours.

I’m not crying because our country has taken a hard right turn towards a cliff, I’m crying because the room is full of biological pepper spray.

That’s my story, I’m sticking to it.

 

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Filed under Critters, Freakin' Idiots!, Politics