Category Archives: Paul

Let’s Dance

There’s a tequila ad out there that I’ve seen but not paid much attention to until tonight.

Remote country road bar, end of the world arriving. Armageddon. Fire falling from the skies, tornadoes, most everyone running around panicking.

Except for our protagonists, apparently eyeing each other and figuring that there’s (literally) no time like the present. So while everyone else runs around looking for a way to escape the inescapable and to hide from that which can not be hidden from, they decide to have a shot of tequila and dance while the world end.

I like it.

The world truly doesn’t care. In the big picture, we’re a glorified fungus on a dust mote around an average star. Probably a statistical improbability just waiting for extinction.

So when the moment comes, if the universe doesn’t care, then you have to. If you’re going to go, go dancing.

Except that I don’t know what brand of tequila, so from a strictly Madison Avenue standpoint, the ad’s a failure. But maybe next time I see it I’ll pay attention and remember, so it might not be a total failure. Yet.

Dance.

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That Feeling When – March 12th

That feeling when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and maybe even a bit panicky because there’s just SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE and an awful lot of it is bad and scary and threatening and all you can see are the worst case scenarios and you’re grateful when something that happens that is simply BAD instead of really, Really, REALLY BAD so you’re looking for answers and a plan and something that’s not just striking out in anger and fear and that little voice in your head asks, “Do you need to re-invent the wheel? There must be groups that have dealt with things like this before, what do they do?” and that’s when, if you can remember to keep reminding yourself that you have had some training and education in that regard and the lessons were to simplify, focus, prioritize, endure, persist, and above all, “Fly the plane!”

You’ll pardon me if I’ve mentioned it before, but that’s a critical one and worth repeating.

“Fly the plane!”

To wit, my flight instructor asked me during a takeoff what I would do if the door next to me came unlatched and came open suddenly. I figured I would try to close it or see if I could hold it with one hand or… Wait, you’re at a critical stage of flight where a distraction can be fatal. Pull up too steeply and stall, roll a bit to one side or the other, don’t pay attention to those tall smokestacks over there, slow down and lose airspeed — and you’re a statistic. Will the door being open cause the plane to crash? In fact, no, it won’t. It will be distracting and scary and loud and unexpected – but your job is to ignore all of that and “Fly the plane!” The door coming open won’t kill you, but being distracted by it might.

“In fact, the door DID come unlatched for me a few months later, and it is a loud, startling occurrence. But I flew the plane until I got to pattern altitude and had a moment to breathe, then I got the door shut again. It was a non-event because I “flew the plane!”)

That theme occurred over and over. What if the engine quits? Okay, you try to re-start it, check fuel, look for a place to land, call for help… but do it all while flying the plane.

In life, right now, there are a lot of scary distractions that seem threatening. But in fact, very, very few are potentially fatal or as disastrous as we might think. As long as we keep remember to “fly the plane.”

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Saved By The Toilet?

While there are most certainly circumstances in life in which the toilet can be a savior, today’s act of salvation might not one that works exactly the way one might expect given the overly dramatic and click-bait-ish title. Nonetheless…

I’ve mentioned, repeatedly, that I truly hate Daylight Saving Time. Not news.

I’ve mentioned in the last couple of days that I’m NOT a morning person. Also, being busier than God the last few weeks (okay, months, actually) my one day to usually sleep in a bit is Sunday. But not this morning for whatever reason.

We do the Sunday morning breakfast out thing, get groceries, I’m plopped down in the big, cushy, comfy chair and thinking that against all of that sage advice on the internet, this might be a really good opportunity to take a little nap – when disaster strikes!

The toilet breaks! One of the bolts that holds the tank onto the base has snapped and there’s water starting to flood the bathroom! Red alert!

Well, at least a pale shade of pink alert. We do have two other bathrooms so it’s tempting to go take that nap after the water is shut off and the mess cleaned up.

Protestant Work Ethic! Catholic school education! Nuns with yardsticks looming out of my memory like Jacob Marley wailing and rattling his chains with enough guilt to make any Jewish mother proud! (Wait, how did I get three different religions pissed at me in one paragraph with just the thought of a nap?)

Off to the hardware store. Get the parts, fix the toilet. And as long as I’m at the store, pick up the parts for another small repair that’s been neglected. Oh, and get 9-volt batteries for all of the smoke alarms since we’re supposed to change those with Daylight Saving Time as our reminder.

Do this. Do that. Oh, wait, there was one other thing I wanted to get done in the garage today, come hell or high water. But to do that, I need to do this other thing. As long as I’m doing that, why not…

Twelve hours later, we’ll see if being on your feet pretty much all day and working yourself into a totally exhausted state cleaning and moving and cleaning and throwing out and organizing and cleaning is an effective method of battling the Daylight Saving Time Blues.

I know it’s done wonders for the leg cramps that plague me at night – I’ve been having them all afternoon and evening as well.

Which self-inflicted force will win out tonight? Exhaustion? Cramps? Artificial jet lag?

Tune in tomorrow for our next exciting episode of “Battlefield Paul!”

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Filed under Castle Willett, Paul

No Context For You – March 10th

No – it’s not the number of traffic accidents tomorrow which are caused as a side effect of Daylight Saving Time going into effect over most of the United States.

But that’s a good guess!

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Filed under Paul, Photography, Video

When Does The Cavalry Arrive?

What do you mean, “They’re not coming?” Did you not see how many freakin’ orcs have us surrounded?

“Plan B?” I thought that YOU were in charge of coming up with a “Plan B!”

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my quarters, building a pillow fort.

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How Early?

I am not a morning person.

There was a time I remember getting up at about 5AM every day, anxiously eager to see what the day would bring. That’s because in a very full house, getting up early like that gave me at least an hour to sit and read while everyone slept. It was the best. Then I hit second grade and it’s been somewhat downhill ever since.

Now, were I to be given the choice, up by the crack of noon would be about right. Those signing my pay check have other thoughts, but one of the best things about my current job is that I’m only ten minutes away, so I can push that snooze button quite a bit before scrambling to hit the road.

Unless, like tomorrow, I have an earlier start to the day and at a remote location that I’ll only get to after more driving than I normally do in a week, in very heavy duty LA rush hour traffic to boot.

Smart phones to the rescue?

What I really need is one that starts shouting, “If you’re not in the car in sixty seconds you’re NEVER going to make it on time! Fifty-nine! Fifty-eight! Fifty-seven…”

 

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Doing It WRONG!

Image: Weather Underground

Dear Powers That Be:

With all due respect, if you’re going to just eliminate a day from existence, could we please make it a Monday and not a Sunday? It’s that whole “Monday’s sucks” vs “Sundays suck much, much less than the other days of the week” thing. Some of us are sort of on thin ice here to begin with, so it would be wonderful to get cut a little bit of slack as opposed to being kicked in the teeth while down to begin with.

tl;dr version – don’t be a dick.

Love,

Humanity

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Filed under Farce, Paul

That Feeling When – March 03rd

That feeling when you’re feeling the time pressure because the freakin’ computer at the hangar went belly up and you really don’t have the time to be dealing with this but you’ve actually gotten to the store and gotten a decent new computer in a reasonable amount of time but now you’re standing in the parking lot because you know you parked Hissy over here somewhere because you remember being next to that car and just down from that car but Hissy’s nowhere to be seen and you can’t figure out what in hell you’re doing wrong but gee, that car right there looks just like your old van, same color, same everything, what are the odds of that…

And yet Siri wondered why I needed directions to get back to the hangar.

Don’t think of it as a brain cramp – think of it as “flight following” in a moment of exhaustion.

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Health, Paul

Salvation vs Torture

I’m pretty sure I’ve ranted about this before, but it happened again today, so here we go:

When a picture like this shows up on your desktop lock screen (it’s Bora Bora) is it a breath of fresh air and a moment of calm and peace in your potentially stressful, hectic, and super busy day? Or is it a freaking instrument of torture, taunting you with visions of a relaxing, beautiful, peaceful oasis that you will never, ever get to at any time in your pathetic, wretched existence, even if you live to see the heat death of the universe?

As they say, “Asking for a friend.”

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Adulting STILL Sucks

A couple of times today, many more times than I would like to remember over the last couple of weeks, conversations have gotten to the point where either “Okay!” or “Fuck you!” are the proper next response – along with the resulting consequences.

I have consistently been doing that whole responsible, mature adulting thing.

An argument can be made that I’m making the wrong decisions.

Tomorrow’s another day to be a mature, responsible adult. And wonder if the moment’s coming when I’m not.

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