Category Archives: Computers

So, at risk of going off on a rant about a particular thing that really triggers me, let me just say that there’s this program that I think really, REALLY ***SUCKS*** but I’m being forced to use it. For reasons.

Among the many reasons I think this particular online, cloud-based product is so terrible is how limited it is, especially compared to the full, desktop version, which I use every day and think is spectacular. But this online version is the genetically mutated, stunted, warped, weird-looking, keep-it-locked-away-in-the-woodshed version. It’s buggy.

And it it slower than hell. I keep being told by those who are forcing me to use it that it must be my system or my connection – bullshit, I have new Dell top of the line systems with a high-speed connection that runs just fine on 99.99999999% of other uses. Perhaps if 999,999 programs work perfectly well and this one doesn’t, then perhaps it’s the mutant that’s the problem.

Okay, I’m stuck with it.

What can I do to maybe lessen the pain? There’s no online help with this thing. Every time I run into a brick wall trying to get it to do something trivial I go looking for help or a FAQ or something, only to be referred to a “user’s group.” The UG apparently is populated by those who somehow believe this program to be the greatest thing since sliced yogurt.

Wait… There’s an “Absolute Worst Program Ever Created for Dummies?” Overnight that sucker to me, Amazon!

I spent a big chunk of tonight looking for the secrets, the magic, the special codes that would let me be at the very least semi-functional using this useless piece of shit excuse for a program.

Q: How do I do task “A” which should be trivial?

A: You don’t. It can’t do that.

Q: WHAT? Wait, so then how do I do task “B” that’s absolutely critical?

A: You don’t. It can’t do that.

Q: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! Well surely it can do task “C”, right? Even someone like SCROTUS would figure that out!

A: What part of “you don’t” are you not understanding. It can’t do that. Ha! Fooled you! You’re totally screwed!

As has been noted, “Who’s the more foolish, the fool, or the fool that follows him?”

Maybe I can just fake it in Excel and plug in the totals.

As in, “If it ain’t one thing…”

Anyone know what a “SMART event” is when your computer pops open a window to tell you you’ve had one? Neither did I until about a week ago when they started popping up once a day about 10:00 every night.

It’s not good.

Basically it’s software built into your operating system that monitors hard disk health and gives you a warning when your hard disc drive is about to fail. Once might be an anomaly. Daily isn’t an anomaly. Running a second set of diagnostics (the first was from Intel, the second from Dell) that gives an even more panicky warning will put a hitch in your getalong all day long.

The good news is that the Dell drive is under warrantee, hasn’t actually failed yet, and it looks like Dell will ship out a replacement quickly. I’m hoping that means that I can just install the new drive, do some imaging/transferring/installing/copying “computer magic” and just go on my merry way.

We’ll see.

(We’ll probably see what the NEXT thing is is what we’ll probably see, but I’m trying to go to bed on an upbeat note.)

For the most part I’m pretty well constantly amazed by the Apple Design Team. There are so many incredible things about the iOS and iPhone and iPad designs that I’m just gobsmacked.

But this one?

When the timer goes off, the huge yellow button that’s prominently displayed in the middle of the screen is to “STOP” the alarm. If you want to do what is presumably a secondary choice, “Repeat,” then you press the smaller, more obscure button on the bottom.

This is a good design. The alarm’s going off! You’re in the middle of a meeting or a movie or a make-out session (sidenote – do the kids these days still call them “make-out sessions”? – my money says “no”) and you forgot to silence the damn phone so now it’s going of and you want it to SHUT UP! Fast! Maybe you don’t have your glasses on and they’re lost underneath some piece of cast off clothing. Hurry up! HIT THE BIG ORANGE BUTTON!!

But then…

When a pre-set alarm goes off (not the timer), the huge yellow button that’s prominently displayed in the middle of the screen is to “Snooze” and have the alarm go off again in eight minutes. The smaller, more obscure button on the bottom of the screen is to “Stop” the alarm.

Wait, what?

You’re still in that meeting or movie or trying to keep that mood going, you still can’t find your glasses, you’re still in a HUGE hurry so you hit that big, orange button…only to get to do it again in eight minutes.

Am I missing something here? What’s the logic behind diametrically opposed design emphases in two almost identical circumstances?

Someone might have dropped the ball on this one, Apple.

See if you can get someone on that for iOS 12.2!

Somewhere there’s a Microsoft designer from way, WAY back in the Windows 2 days that’s getting a chuckle and a warm tingly feeling every time someone accidentally closes a web browser with fifty tabs open instead of minimizing it.

Who’s the idiot that put the “hang-on-a-second-I’ve-got-to-do-something-else” button right next to the “die!-die!-die!-go-away-and-don’t-save-any-of-these-dozens-and-dozens-of-tabs” button?

But that’s not bad enough.

I swear, when you hit that “X” icon with more than two or three tabs open, there’s a longer and longer pause before the window closes the more tabs are open and the more critical the tabs are. Not that you can stop the process, mind you! Not that your bellowed cry of “oh, shit, noooooooo!” will result in a less disastrous outcome. But the more critical the failure, the more time you have to realize what you’ve done and be completely unable to correct the problem.

That’s some nasty karma building up for someone there, let me tell you.

Pardon me, I have to go hunting for a hundred or so tabs…