Category Archives: Critters

November 7, 2014 · 19:57

Gremlins Or Situational Blindness?

Either the brain is a weird thing or there really are gremlins. Or house elves. Or pixies. I always get them mixed up.

It’s not like I really believe in supernatural critters. My degree is in physics, not psychics; I studied astronomy, not astrology; cosmology, not cosmetology. (You laugh, but working the swing shift for room service in college, I was studying one slow night when a cocktail waitress saw the title on my textbook and asked if I would do her hair.)

But I had this thing, a DVD I had burned, when all of a sudden as I needed it a day or two later it was gone. Start retracing my steps, looking high and low, but nothing found.

Look on my desk, on all of the bookshelves, in the living room, in the kitchen… Hell, I even looked in the bathrooms.

Maybe it fell down behind something. Maybe it just got put down someplace totally unexpected when the phone rang or some other distraction came up. Maybe it got mislabeled in a moment of stupidity and filed into the Twilight Zone.

No joy.

Okay, tear apart the desk and the stuff on the bookshelves where it should be and stay focused. Look, look again, don’t get distracted. Start looking into “what if” scenarios that are silly, but when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever’s left…

Nada.

Start going through that big stack of recent DVDs to see if it got mislabeled. Time consuming when i would prefer to spend that time doing something else, like writing, or even catching up on some sleep.

Zip.

Finally I gave up. Went hunting online, tracked down some substitute material for a work-around. It was really late, I was getting punchy, so I just saved the files and would burn a new DVD in the morning.

(Wait for it…)

The next morning, as I walk by the same shelf next to my desk that I had searched a dozen times in the previous few days, there was a DVD case, face down. Turn it over and it’s (of course) the lost DVD.

How is it conceivable that I searched that location repeatedly and missed it sitting in plain sight?

Was it the house gremlins having some fun with me?

I like that explanation far better than the logical alternative, which is that I’m a serial doofuss and either losing it or showing signs of early onset Alzheimer’s.

Vision, optical illusions, and perception tricks and foibles have always interested me, so I know this type of weird behavior happens. I just wished that it didn’t happen to me.

Maybe it was just the house elves being mischievous. Maybe they’re just pissed because I keep getting them mixed up with the gnomes, trolls, pixies, and gremlins.

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November 1, 2014 · 18:00

Kyoto (Part Twelve)

To Recap: In May, 2012 I went to Asia on the “Three-Countries-Three-Weeks-Three-Kids” tour. The first stop on this once-in-a-lifetime trip was Shanghai, followed by several days in Seoul. Now I was footloose and fancy-free (i.e., lost a lot) in Kyoto, Japan. I found one of the most beautiful and interesting places I’ve ever seen — just search for “Kyoto (Part Two)” through “Kyoto (Part Nine)“. (Yeah, that’s a lot of pictures of one place.)  The next day my daughter didn’t have classes so she started showing me the other sights of Kyoto, including beautiful and ancient temples.

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There are many temples and shrines at the base of the mountains along the eastern edge of Kyoto. At the south end of this stretch are the large Konchi-In and Nanzen-Ji temples. Walking north from there you see small and mid-sized sites, such as this.

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In just a hundred meters or so, you find the sidewalk accompanied by a stream. This is the legendary Philosopher’s Path of Kyoto.

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The path wanders from side to side of the stream, an oasis in a very busy and crowded city. Just a block or two off to the left you’ll find yourself on a crowded commercial area, which is great for finding lunch or something to drink.

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The path is lined by cherry trees — the pictures you see of it in spring with all of the trees in blossom are nothing less than spectacular. In May, it was green, green, and more green.

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As you can see, the path is crowded with shrines and temples. It’s an easy walk (150 meters or so) from the subway station to the first shrines at the south end. From there it’s just a bit more than a kilometer to the north end of the Philosopher’s Path.

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There are humongous carp in the stream.

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There are ducks in the bushes along the banks. There were small herds of feral cats. No doubt there were other critters that we didn’t see. No sign of any monkeys, but I wouldn’t rule them out given the number of other places in the area where I saw signs warning about them.

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At the north end of the Path you get deposited onto a busy street. From there the nearest subway station is to your west a kilometer or so. It’s not an unpleasant walk.

We found a Domino’s Pizza next to Kamogawa River Park and confused the hell out of them by ordering a pizza to go. Apparently the norm there is for everything to be delivered using some snazzy little motor scooters and paid for by credit card. They had no idea what to do with the wacky Americans who wanted to order a pizza, pay cash for it, and wait outside until it was done so it could get handed to them through the window. In the end, both they and I got a great story out of it.

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From here, the Imperial Palace Gardens are along the route to the subway, but it was getting dark so we skipped them. Instead we ate pizza in the park and watched storks and herons fishing for dinner in the river, while people crossed the river by jumping from one stone block to another. I’m thinking it’s more challenging during the rainy season.

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October 29, 2014 · 22:14

Invisible Walls

Flipping through old pictures this evening, sort of a “meh!” evening, and I ran across these:

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035 smallThey’re undoubtedly bright, colorful, and beautiful. But what about the quality of life for the fish?

On the one hand, they’re obviously well fed and safe from predators. That can be a really big, important thing.

On the other hand, they’re restricted, confined, and  not allowed to live in a “natural” environment. (A “natural” environment is one where they can starve and/or get eaten…)

On the gripping hand, they’re fish! I have sneakers with higher IQs. It’s not like any of these guys in particular are capable of having any thoughts above “pain,” “hunger,” “flee!” and “sex!” Even that last one might be problematic, a function that’s about as cerebral or voluntary as breathing.

But of course, my musings were not talking about the fish, were they? Do the fish understand the nature of the invisible, see-through boundaries that restrict them and keep them in their place? Do they ever comprehend that there is something beyond their ken that constantly prevents them from going over there or any further than that, no matter how much they might want to?

What about us? What invisible boundaries do we have that keep us confined? What restrictions are there that keep us from going over there or any further than that, even if we can’t see, or comprehend, or understand those restrictions? What restrictions would an outside observer see, someone more wise perhaps, definitely with better information?

Most importantly, which of those boundaries and restrictions are self-made and self-imposed? Are they invisible because we can not see them, or because we will not see them? If we truly want to go over there or do that, how do we find, identify, and eliminate those barriers?

Or are we just fish, happy to stay safe and well fed inside the invisible walls?

 

Wow — that escalated quickly. One minute I’m looking at a fish tank and the next I’m a Tony Robbins wannabe.

As we said in the 70’s (at least in southern Vermont), “Farm house, man! Outta state!”

Enjoy the pretty fish. (I’ll be sitting here listening to some Pink Floyd, I think.)

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October 25, 2014 · 20:34

Wouldn’t It Be Cool If…

…we all had tails like a cat?

Tonight’s bizarre thought is brought to you thanks to Joey Chan, on my lap, asleep, idly flicking her tail back and forth and getting all twitchy when it gets touched. (Okay, I’m poking it and taunting her, but the effect is the same.)

What if people could grow a tail like that? Maybe some sort of advanced genetic manipulation — after they figure out how to regrow missing limbs, cure cancer, and restore a full head of hair to terminally insecure middle-aged men, of course. But if the science dudes and dudettes are then bored and need something new to justify their employment, this could be just the ticket!

Think of all of the possibilities! At first it would be a novelty for the rich and famous, a status thing, a statement of chic. But before long it would become practical, with high-rise iron workers getting them for balance, circus performers getting them to make more complex acrobatics possible, and teenagers getting them just to piss off their parents.

Then to distinguish themselves from the commoners, the Kardashians and Beibers of the day will get them in different colors or patterns. Someone will get a prehensile tail like a spider monkey’s just so they can get an advantage in some sporting event. Gang members will get tails with big bony spikes at the end like Ankylosaurus.

There will need to be accomodations in society. Pants will be a problem. I see the kilt becoming commonplace. (No doubt with an accompanying surge in the popularity of shiny, patent leather shoes for women. Payback’s a bitch, guys.) One can only imagine the ways at the various organized religions will view the phenomenon.

Porn will be an early adopter of the movement. Tail porn will be a thing.

Tail lengths will fluctuate up and down in popularity as men first assume that size matters, then see how easily and painfully their new appendages get caught in doors, then again belive that size matters, then see more pain, then size, then pain, then… I figure the cycle frequency will be about a month.

The Furries will be insufferable.

Someone will be the first to get a second tail, just because. A month later someone will have four. By Christmas someone will look like they’ve got the Flying Spaghetti Monster coming out of their ass.

The purists will remind everyone who will listen that we evolved from apes, not monkeys, and apes don’t have tails. Everyone with tails will “accidentally” smack them in the face when they bring it up.

We’ll have a whole new outlook on hair. Now we’re getting obsessed with making ourselves smooth and bald in most places where we’re supposed to be furry, but that will change once people see what a three-foot long hairless tail looks like. Do you want to look like an opossum? We’ll be taking baths in Rogaine™.

The future is definitely looking long and furry! Zephod Beeblebrox will have nothing on us!

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October 19, 2014 · 20:48

Juicy Chunks O’ Wisdom For Sunday, October 19th

‘Cause the Chiefs and the Kings both won today and I’m all relaxed and sports-ed out, that’s why.

  • The results of yesterday’s “research project“? First, the margarita was quite good. It was the first time that I had tried the pre-mixed stuff that you simply pour over ice. Maybe not quite as good as making them “from scratch,” but not bad at all.
  • In case you didn’t notice, there was a comet that came thiiiiiis close to Mars earlier today. From Earth and from Earth orbit (where the Hubble Space Telescope and other telescopes are) it was a unique event. From Mars orbit (where there are five orbiting spacecraft from NASA, ESA, and the Indian space agency) and from the surface of Mars (where Curiosity and Opportunity are exploring), it should have been spectacular. All of our orbiting spacecraft have reported in as safe and unharmed from any impacts with dust, ice, or debris from the comet. It will take a few days to download the data and photos, but keep and eye open, there may be some amazing things coming.
  • For Halloween this year, we’ll be taking the telescopes out as we do, offering kids (and their parents) a look at some of the brighter objects.
  • Secondly, the cookies & cream ice cream was wonderful. The hard stuff, the real Dryer’s full-of-fat-and-lining-my-arteries-as-I-eat-it brand, none of this “reduced fat” or “fat free” crap.
  • Speaking of amazing views of comets, the European Rosetta spacecraft has been getting closer and closer to Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko for months now. In about ten days it will release the Philae lander, which will try to make the first soft landing on a comet, where it should send back data for at least a few days. After that the batteries will be discharged, but if we’re lucky and the solar panels can keep recharging the batteries, we could get data for months. Keep an eye out for some mind-boggling images there.
  • There’s something in the pine trees out in back. I could hear it last night, and so could Joey and Jessie. I went out and looked, but never saw it. But from the sound, it’s good sized, not just a squirrel or two. On a related note, something’s back walking around on my roof at night. I figured Rocky and/or Raquel, but either I’ve forgotten how loud it can be when they’re walking around or they’ve grown quite a bit. Or it could be something bigger than a raccoon?
  • Third, while each was excellent in their own right, combined they were marginal at best. The margarita seemed much too tangy and bitter when drunk immediately after a bite of ice cream. Thank goodness I didn’t take The Long-Suffering Wife’s suggestion of pouring the margarita over the ice cream.
  • The Philea lander has a camera which is separate from the cameras on the Rosetta “mothership.” This allowed it to take a selfie of Rosetta with Comet 67P only 16 km away. Wow!
  • The leading candidates for the tree critter: Raccoon, opossum, owl, mutant tree-climbing bunny rabbit, cougar, bear, E.T.
  • Finally, next time it would be best to do the before-bed chores (locking up the house, doing the dishes, cleaning the cat boxes, and so on) before having the margarita, not after. A relaxed, mellow, fuzzy state of mind does not lend itself to thoughts of, “Crap, I’ve still got to clean the cat boxes!”
  • Final astronomical heads up for the week is a partial solar eclipse this Thursday, October 23rd. The areas of visibility are pretty much the same as the total lunar eclipse on October 8th — the two eclipses are related. (Celestial mechanics and all of that sort of thing.) Go look at it if you have the chance, maybe even try to photograph it, but above all, BE SAFE WHEN LOOKING AT THE SUN. (Pop Quiz Redux — What should you never, EVER do because it really, REALLY will make you go blind?) There are ways to do it simply and cheaply (i.e., pinhole projection or a $2 “eclipse filter”), but doing it wrong can lead you to a world of hurt. Be safe, enjoy the sight!
  • November 1st is just thirteen days away, which means…NaNoWriMo. Should I, or shouldn’t I? Any suggestions for a plot, genre, or style you would like to see me tackle?

Remember, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro!”

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Filed under Astronomy, Critters, Juicy Chunks, Space, Writing

October 2, 2014 · 23:06

No Flash Fiction — Have A Time Machine, Instead

As we all know, Thursday is normally the time for my weekly post regarding Chuck Wendig’s weekly Flash Fiction Challenge. However, this week it’s again a simple “Write a one sentence thing” assignment, to be posted directly to his site.

Instead, stealing a meme from the Twitter and Facebook worlds where Thursdays are “Throwback Thursdays”, here are some pictures from (probably) very early 1973. At the time I was just starting to take a LOT of pictures (it had to have started somewhere) and with film and processing being expensive, I was learning how to do my own darkroom work. I also was buying black and white 35mm film stock in 100′ rolls and loading my own 36-frame film cartridges in order to save money.

These pictures are recently scanned from those 40+ year old negatives.

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Winter in small-town southern Vermont. I was probably standing in snow up to my hips on the hill above the town square in order to take this.

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Very, very early experiments to see what simple astrophotography I could do. I didn’t have anything that might be described as a decent camera, just a box-like Brownie for myself and an ancient 35mm Argus (?) camera of my dad’s that I could borrow at times. It wasn’t an SLR, had no “auto” anything, focusing was sort of hit or miss, and you had to guess (or learn) at setting the exposure and f/stop manually. It did not have interchangeable lenses and I didn’t have a telescope yet, so I was trying to see if I could take pictures of the moon using a pair of binoculars with the camera held up to the eyepiece.

The exposure’s all wrong, it’s not in good focus at all — but it’s almost kinda-sorta maybe recognizable as the moon?

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My sister’s kitten. She probably got it for Christmas and the critter went through multiple names. I think it was originally Thumper, which changed to something like “Doofus” when my parents inherited the cat when my sister moved out a few years later. The name later devolved into “Doovie” and the cat got big, fat, slow, friendly, toothless, and drooly. Unless I’m completely mis-remembering (which is quite possible) she lasted long enough for at least a couple of my kids to play with in the late 1980’s.

Sixteen or seventeen years old for a cat? Could be, Joey Chan’s already coming up on fourteen and she seems healthy enough, except for “feline Alzheimer’s.” (She’s forgotten to be aloof and now wants to be petted and held.)

A special note for the wallpaper – the polka dots were black, silver, and brown. I really wish I had a color picture. (I might have 8mm film, maybe I could find a really tiny and grainy frame to scan.) The only thing that screamed “EARLY SEVENTIES!” louder than that wallpaper was the wallpaper in every other room of the house. With eight kids, three stories, and seven bedrooms, we had a LOT of really bizarre wallpaper that seemed perfectly normal and trendy at the time.

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September 23, 2014 · 23:04

Jessie 1, Taunting Squirrel 0

As dogs and squirrels do, Jessie and the squirrels in the yard have a love/hate relationship. Jessie hates them, and the squirrels love to taunt her. You know the game, where they see just how far down the tree or how far out onto the grass they can go to make her attack with a crazed fervor, only to have them dart to safety at the last second and then sit just out of reach making obnoxious squirrel sounds. Repeat as necessary until everyone involved will be getting a good night’s sleep tonight.

Jessie’s slowed down a few steps (she’s now 13-½ years old) and often ignores them these days, but a new crop of squirrels have grown up or moved in and they’ve been giving her all sorts of grief. It helps her keep her dog-ish figure to chase one every now and then.

This afternoon when I came home, as is often the case, the sound of me parking and then locking the car set off a round of barking and howling from the back yard. (I hope that she doesn’t do that all day long when we’re gone — I’ve always hated having neighbors who had dogs that did that and they didn’t do anything about it. It’s better than having dogs that bark and howl all night long, but it’s still annoying, and I don’t ever want to be that neighbor. On the other hand, we’ve never gotten a call or a note, so if she’s being annoying, she’s not annoying enough to make anyone complain.) Sometimes she’ll trot to the gate to see if it’s me (or The Long-Suffering Wife), but not today.

I went into the back yard, expecting to find her lounging in one of her shady spots in the dirt (it’s a dog thing) but instead found her out in the sun on the patio. Still howling and barking as I walked up to her. (In addition to losing a step in her advancing years, I suspect she’s also getting a wee bit deaf and blind.) When she finally sees me she jumps up — and grabs the dead squirrel that she had been guarding.

I’ve never seen any sign that she has ever actually caught one, let alone killed it. We’ve had them die of disease and wind up on the ground (gross!) and we’ve had them fall into the hot tub and drown (really gross!), but she’s never paid any attention to those. The one she’s got now seems healthy enough, except of course for the spots where something’s been gnawing on it. It might have fallen and been injured before Jessie got to it, but I’m not doing an autopsy (rodent-opsy? squirrel-opsy?) to find out.

So, behold, Jessie, the mightiest hunter of the neighborhood, ruler of all she surveys, killer of squirrels! (Please, dear God, don’t let it go to her head, especially if the next critter she runs into is a skunk!)

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September 16, 2014 · 18:04

Harvey

If the local coyote is to be “Wiley,” and the local raccoons are “Rocky” and “Raquel,” then this little guy must be “Harvey.” For a couple of different reasons.

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First of all, given the popularity of the play and the movie, “Harvey” is a natural  choice. I know, “Bugs” might be more popular, but this guy didn’t have a “Bugs” attitude. He was very quiet, calm, and sedate, much more like, “Good evening, Mr. Dowd…Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?”

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Secondly, while I’m a huge fan of Bugs Bunny (although Marvin Martian is my spirit guide), “Harvey” was our high school senior play, the only acting I ever did (it was a blast!) so it will always have a soft spot in my heart.

Finally, and most importantly, it seemed that I was the only one who could see him. I let Jessie out into the yard knowing that the rabbit was there and Jessie showed absolutely no sign of knowing the rabbit was there. She was walking back in forth less than ten feet away and she didn’t smell the rabbit, look at it, perk up her ears, bark, chase it halfway down the block or out into traffic, all of which are her usual behavior when a rabbit dares to enter her yard.

I took Jessie back inside because I saw someone coming down the block with a pit bull on a lead, but I stopped to watch when they got by our house. The rabbit was still sitting there, but the guy didn’t notice it, nor did the young, healthy, massive, pit bull. Less than ten feet away. Nothing.

I grabbed the camera and started walking out, taking pictures as I went, figuring the rabbit would bolt at any second. Nope, I got to within about five feet. It just sat there and blinked.

I was late to get to the hanger, so I left it, still sitting there, wondering if maybe I should have brought Ed Hickey along.

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September 15, 2014 · 20:56

Scene Of The Kill

It’s one of those “circle of life” things. (Insert “Lion King” song here.) CSI-SFV, critter division.

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From the color and size of the feathers, I’m guessing it was one of the many mourning doves that live here. Or I guess it could be a mockingbird. The sparrows are more brown and small, and the crows are much bigger and black. Yep, mourning dove or mocking bird. Probably mourning dove.

There wasn’t any blood or other icky signs about, which makes me think it might be one of our local hawks that made the kill, not one of our local cats. A dive, a strike, feathers flying everywhere, then the hawk takes its trophy back to the next or to a safe perch where it’s not going to be stolen.

Jessie thought the scene of the kill was interesting. She did a thorough job of sniffing everywhere nearby. Her analysis of the DNA and olfactory evidence has yet to be written up. (She’s lousy with paperwork!)

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September 13, 2014 · 16:58

Odds & Sods For Saturday, September 13th

Item The First: I mentioned Monte Moore, the radio announcer for the Kansas City Athletics when I was a kid there in the Sixties, and later the voice of the Oakland A’s after they moved. In looking him up to make sure I had his name spelled correctly and so forth, I remembered a fragment about one of his partners, a “color” announcer. It would have been about 1964 or 1965, the guy’s first name might have been David. If I remember correctly, he was killed during the off-season, possibly in a car accident.

As I said, it’s just a fragment of a memory from nearly fifty years ago, but I went to see if I could find any online information that matches that and I came up empty. (See, the internet is not omnipotent. Or it is and I’m just not asking the correct questions.) I found a lot of great old trivia about the KC A’s, and that brought up many more memories that I had that I didn’t see mentioned – but nothing about the loss of one of the radio guys.

If anyone of you should happen to know or remember anything about that (I know, it’s a wild shot in the dark) please let me know in the comments. Let’s see if the massed neurons of the WLTSTF family can do better than Google. Sort of like Ken Jennings taking on the IBM “Watson” system on Jeopardy!

Item The Second: It should be noted that in the Sycamore Canyon Beach panorama yesterday, The Long Suffering Wife can be seen enjoying the ocean breezes. I’ll let you go hunting for her if you wish — she’s in red and white. (Go Angels!)

Item The Third: I don’t know which was funnier the other night, seeing the stories and videos about the two deer tying up traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge for forty-five minutes, or seeing five minutes later that there was already a Twitter account for “Golden Gate Deer.”

Item The Fourth: Who used the phrase “Far Out!” any more? I mean, except for people doing their best impersonations of George Carlin’s early days as the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman. I don’t think even hipsters use that phrase. (What DO hipsters say, other than putting down anything that everyone else likes?) The volunteer duuuude who called up for the Red Cross last week to get me back in to donate blood (this was my donation #51 with the American Red Cross, whoo hoo!) used that phrase at least three times. It really sticks out in a conversation these days.

I wanted to respond to him with “Farm house, man!” but thought that might be a bit too esoteric, 1970s, Southern Vermont-ish for him. Punk kid doesn’t even know what “SKs” are, or how to properly use “wicked” in a sentence.

Item The Fifth: One thing I started noticing a lot at the Wings Over Camarillo air show was people wearing LA Kings branded shirts, hats, and other gear. You have to understand, LA has always had a rabidly passionate core group of Kings’ fans, and I’m proud to count myself among them going back for forty years now. But it’s always been a teeny, tiny, minuscule group compared to the legions of fans for the Dodgers, Angels, Lakers, UCLA Bruins, USC Trojans, Clippers, and even the Galaxy. There were folks jumping on the bandwagon when Gretzky came in 1988, and most (not all) of them jumped off when the Kings didn’t immediately win the Stanley Cup.

A lot of them jumped back on when the Kings won their first Stanley Cup in 2012. But unlike the Gretzky years, success wasn’t a one-time thing. The Kings made a deep drive into the playoffs in 2013. And then we won it again in 2014. At that point there were tons of folks catching hockey fever and there are signs that it’s still happening. At the airshow, I saw many more folks wearing Kings gear than I saw Dodgers or Angels or Lakers gear. I’m also seeing an awful lot of bumper stickers and “Kings – Stanley Cup Champions” window decals on cars.

This may become a hockey town yet!

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