April 1, 2022 · 23:04

Blood Red Rose

I fortunately rarely see blood in any quantities other than a finger prick for a blood test, so I’m not 100% that descriptor is accurate, but it just rolls off the tongue so well.

Come to think of it, I do see blood in larger quantities, but only in a bag, usually connected to a tube running to a needle in my arm. Not the same shade when seen through that plastic.

At least it’s not, as the 1st grade joke goes, a “brose,” i.e., a rose with a “b” in it!

OF COURSE I’m making “dad” jokes. I’m a dad! It’s right there in the job description!

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March 31, 2022 · 23:15

Just Dandy!

Normally I have my phone set up with the “Silence Unknown Callers” option turned on. It does a marvelous job of letting through anyone in my contacts list or anyone who I’ve called, while sending spam calls straight to voice mail. Anyone who is not a spammer has the option of leaving me a message and if it’s important I’ll get back to them. (Spammers who leave a voice mail are just slow learners.)

But today I was expecting a work call from someone who wouldn’t be in my contacts list yet and who would probably be calling from a number I wouldn’t recognize, so I had that feature off. And of course, that’s when the spam call came in.

I was in a good mood, so when the semi-cheerful voice clicked in and asked how I was, I didn’t suggest any anatomically impossible sexual acts, I just said, “I’m just dandy!”

Friends – I’m here to tell you that I’ve stumbled on an amazingly fun and entertaining way of screwing with the heads and wasting the time of these folks!

They’ve learned some English, but they don’t know any colloquialisms! No jargon! No aphorisms!

“You’re sandy?” was the response I got.

“No, DANDY! In fact, I’m FINE and dandy!”

“You’re bendy? I don’t understand.”

“Oh, my poor sweet child, they taught you English words, but they didn’t teach you how to speak English! D – A – N – D – Y, ‘dandy!'”

“Mandy?”

“Tell you what, call me back and give me your spammer phishing spiel when you figure out what a ‘colloquialism’ is and how to spell it!”

Just think of what I could do with a heavy Southern accent! Or a New England accent where I say “wicked” or “wicked bad!” with every line of bullshit served.

I’m telling you, we could have their heads exploding at the other end of the line, like a bad remake of “Scanners!”

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Filed under Farce, Freakin' Idiots!

March 30, 2022 · 23:12

What’s Wrong With These Pictures?

Something I’ve mentioned in the past is having a secondary monitor or two on my home office computer setup and liking live webcam feeds running on them when I’m not using them. Hummingbirds, jellyfish, volcanoes, Venice, whatever.

Lately I’ve been watching a LOT of feeds from Virtual Railfan cameras, set up in train stations and train museums all over the country and just watching the freight trains and Amtrak passing by. For example, tonight:

(Image from Virtual Railfan)

My favorite site, Fort Madison, Iowa. LOTS of trains, plus the swing bridge over the Mississippi River. Plus the river, and wildlife, and birds.

(Image from Virtual Railfan)

Kearney, Nebraska. Lots of long, fast freight trains passing through every day.

(Image from Virtual Railfan)

Quincy, Illinois. I actually spent a lot of time in Quincy as a kid, my parents had good friends there from college and we would go visit them a couple times a year.

All of these images were captured tonight, either just before or just after midnight local time. Essentially, all on March 31st.

What’s wrong with these pictures?

The end of March. Places in the part of the country where I grew up. And it never, EVER was snowing heavily at the end of March.

Meanwhile, it was 70°F above normal in Antarctica this week.

Meanwhile, there were brush fires this week in Colorado and California, where we now have 12-month fire seasons.

Meanwhile, there were massive tornado outbreaks across the south, Texas and New Orleans, last week, months earlier than normal.

Good thing that climate change is all fake, huh?! Otherwise we might just be in some deep shit!

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March 29, 2022 · 23:31

Thinking About The Brothers K Tonight

Busy, as always, sometimes busier than busy, and at times by habit, skill (unlikely), or necessity, I get into that groove and just start grinding through things that need to get done ASAP. As noted before at times here, it’s akin in many ways to running, especially long distances such as a marathon. I truly wish I could invoke that mental state at will, but that’s another discussion.

When “in the groove” some part of my mind tends to wander while the more basic part is getting the job done. As Crash Davis said to Ebby Calvin ‘Nuke’ LaLoosh, “Don’t think – it can only hurt the ball club.” (Totally irrelevant side note – is anyone keeping track of how many times I’ve quoted that and linked to this clip?)

Tonight my thoughts turned to juggling. Juggling in turn took my thoughts to The Flying Karamazov Brothers, who I think are truly astonishing and who I first saw (I think) doing the halftime entertainment at the Westercon masquerade in 1979. (Maybe 1980?) That in turn made me wonder – are they still around?

THEY ARE!

Not doing much touring (it’s almost like there’s been a raging pandemic that’s seriously restricted travel and in-person gatherings for the last couple of years), but they do have at least one upcoming show scheduled for June and with luck they’ll be out touring soon.

Simple advice – watch their videos online, be entertained, learn to love them, and if you ever get a chance to see them live, take it!

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March 28, 2022 · 22:17

March Rain Aftermath

The squirrels again came out on the soggy side this morning.

They seemed less than thrilled about it. Californians, on the other hand, loved it.

It rarely rains in LA in March, but we’re grateful for it, especially this year, which is quickly turning into the third (fourth? fifth?) drought year in a row.

Meanwhile, our two regular soggy squirrels brought friends.

I was told there was a fourth out there as well, but I never saw all four together. Plus, there was lots of running around, chasing, hopping, up the tree, down the tree, and so on. Lots of that springtime, barely concealed squirrel lust stuff. For all I know there were six or seven of them in a regular squirrel bacchanalia and in 38 to 46 days we’ll be hip deep in little squirrels.

Whatever.

In between all of the other shenanigans they were cleaning out the bird food that had been thrown out, so I threw out a couple of handfuls of the bigger, “critter” food for them. Gotta keep your strength up…

It’s raining again, even though it’s the tail end of the storm and expected to stop soon. We’ll take what we can get and ignore the opinions of the squirrels. I mean, really, they have brains that are only theeeeeeeeeeeeeese  🤏🏻 big.

You know – like politicians. (Ba-DOM-dom!! 🥁 I’ll be here all week! Tip your waitress!)

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Filed under Critters, Photography, Weather

March 27, 2022 · 23:47

The Weekend Gone By

What did I learn?

tl;dr version – a 30-minute job turned into a six-hour job and today I’m sore as hell after lifting too much, stretching too much, and doing all sorts of contortions that my middle-aged body isn’t used to.

And it’s almost Monday.

Hitting the new week running…

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Filed under Castle Willett, Paul

March 26, 2022 · 23:05

Another Way To Piss Off Hummingbirds

First of all, with our extremely territorial male Anna’s Hummingbird, that bar isn’t set real high. He’ll chase off any other hummingbird that comes near the two feeders he can see, and he’ll almost always buzz my head if I go out and stand near one of them.

Today I was out in the back for over six hours, working on what I had hoped would be a half-hour job (don’t ask, I feel like I’ve been beaten with a stick) and during the course of that ordeal I ended up noticing that these flowers on the vines there (morning glories of some sort? I think I looked it up once, but I’m too damn tired to go find it right now) were in bloom, so I took pictures.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Right by my ear, then off to one of the feeders. “I wan’t threatening you, no, honest! I was just going to the feeder and didn’t notice you there!”

Yeah, right. Mark my words, one of these days I’m going to end up in the ER with a live, trapped, pissed off hummingbird in my ear and I’m going to have to explain it to some poor, beleaguered nurse who won’t believe a word I say.

(Okay, I went and looked it up. They’re Lavendar Trumpet Vine flowers.)

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March 25, 2022 · 23:21

All That Jazz

What an amazing film.

It’s Oscars season, and various cable networks are showing award winning films from past years. In this case, Turner Classic Movies, and “All That Jazz,” one of my all-time favorite films.

As I do almost every time I see this film at home, especially when the theme is “The Oscar Winners,” I have to check and see why it didn’t win the Best Film award, or why Roy Scheider didn’t win for Best Actor.

Oh. Yeah. THAT year.

“Kramer vs. Kramer” swept a slew of the big awards. Best Picture, Best Actor (Dustin Hoffman), Best Supporting Actress (Merryl Streep). Fair enough.

What else was up for Best Picture?

“Norma Rae,” with Sally Field winning Best Actress.

“Breaking Away”

“Apocalypse Now,” which begs the question of how did “Kramer Vs Kramer” beat THAT film??!!

I never saw “All That Jazz” in the theater. Still haven’t, would love to, will have to make a mental note to catch it some art house here in LA.

“Not my kind of film” would have been my first thought having seen just the trailers and previews. I still don’t remember why or how I watched it, I was probably bored and it was the best thing on. I just remember watching it on cable way, way, way back, when HBO was just a wee lad and something of a novelty.

It was okay. I liked it pretty well, but I was confused as hell. Who was the lady in white, played by Jessica Lange? I liked the energy, the weird story, the passion, the music, but I was a little bit lost. But I like weird.

And then…

At the very end, I GOT IT. (Maybe I’m a slow learner. It wouldn’t be the first time, nor the last.)

I had to watch it again from the beginning as soon as possible, knowing now what I hadn’t known the first time through. And I was blown away. And watched it again. And again.

Now it’s one of those films that I’ve seen so many times, but I still see something new every time.

If you’ve seen the film, I hope that you love it as much as I do. If you haven’t, it’s a great time to see it for the first time. It’s wonderful.

It’s Oscars time.

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Filed under Entertainment, Movies

March 24, 2022 · 23:50

Close Encounter Of The Furred Kind

Before dinner I was taking a break for a few minutes, sitting out in the back yard in that white chair out toward the edge of the drop off down the hill.

The sun was warm, it was quite pleasant, probably about 70°F, the strong winds of the last several days gone. I sat for 15-20 minutes, skimming social media on my phone and enjoying the weather.

Sitting very still, apparently.

At the edge of the hill there’s a little terrace, about five feet down, with a set of steps over on the right, by the ice plant. Down the hill, along the outer edge of that terrace, there’s a chain link fence, that may or may not define the edge of the property. (There are a couple more chain link fences running parallel to it horizontally along the ridge, but no way to get down there and just ivy and weeds covering the hillside. I rent, so I don’t care where the property ends, but it could also be at one of those fences.)

I heard something hit the chain link fence and then wiggle it. I had my suspicions.

A few second later I saw movement at the edge of the yard, above the terrace and just four or five feet from me. Whatever it was had hit the top of the wall behind some of that tallish, decorative sage grass that grows there so I couldn’t see it and it couldn’t see me.

I stayed very still.

And around the corner of the clump of grass came my suspect.

(May or may not be the actual squirrel.)

I expected it to bolt, but noooooo! It started to creep forward toward the yard behind us, oblivious to my presence. For about three feet. Then it froze.

Probably no more than an inch or two from my sneakers, it didn’t even raise its head, just moved its eyes, almost in cartoon fashion.

Jurassic Park Remove Glasses GIF - Jurassic Park Remove Glasses So Intense GIFs(Yeah, that’s the attitude!)

I still hadn’t moved, but quietly said, “Something I can help you with?”

Friends, I will bet anyone $5 that if you go examine where that critter was standing you will find a little pile of squirrel shit.

The squirrel levitated at Warp Factor 8 over to the big tree back there and then sat about 15 feet up, clicking and chattering at me. Obviously, this was all my fault!

I couldn’t have caught or chased it to save my life. I was laughing too hard.

Gotta keep that chair there and spend more “quiet time” reading there. Who knows what or who might drop by next?

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Filed under Castle Willett, Critters, Photography

March 23, 2022 · 23:34

By Any Other Name

I absolutely love the color on this one.

It’s just sitting by the driveway, all alone, minding its own business.

A few days, maybe a week, ten days tops. and it goes from OMG to DOA.

Sort of the definition of “transient,” but holy wow, how glorious for those few days.

I wonder if there are creatures or beings who look at we frail humans and think the same thing of our three score and ten.

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Filed under Flowers, Photography