Category Archives: Los Angeles

October 3, 2014 · 22:01

Who Needs A Fireplace Tonight?

That was my first thought when I took Jessie out a while ago.

In the winter, when we have a night that’s cool (in the 50s F) as opposed to cold (30s F), you’ll smell the smoke in the air as some folks light off their fireplaces instead of turning on the furnace. (I know, it’s not -30F like in Vermont, but it’s cold for LA.) But today it was almost 105F here and it’s still in the low 80s, so who’s the yahoo with the fireplace?

It only took a second to realize the truth. That wasn’t wood smoke — it was grass & brush.

The good news (or really, really bad news) was that I couldn’t hear any sirens. If it were a big brush fire anywhere within ten miles, we would have heard lots and lots of fire trucks. But if a brush fire had just now started and was near enough for me to smell, the first engines might not be rolling yet…

A quick look around at the hills showed no obvious flames or orange glows (just the blue-white glow from the football game over at the high school), nor any obvious smoke clouds. Once inside, a quick check of the local news sites showed that there had been a small (three or four acres) fire about five miles away, but they had hit it hard and got it out before it could spread much.

Brush fires are always an issue in California, and this year could be a doozie. So far all of the really big fires have been up in Northern California, but it’s just a matter of time before we have them in SoCal this year. In the third year of a historic drought, there’s a lot of brush to burn. Meanwhile, the hundreds and hundreds of fires to date this year have already exhausted the funds budgeted to fight them, despite the fact that the heart of the fire season is just getting here.

The drought’s getting critical (there are already small towns in central California that haven’t had water AT ALL in weeks), the temperatures are rising (on average, in this part of the world it’s the hottest year since they started keeping records in the mid-1800s), and the hoped-for El Niño rains are now being described as “unlikely.”

The next time I smell smoke, the proper first thought won’t be “Who’s using their fireplace?”

The correct questions will be, “How big? How close? Where are the critical documents? Where’s that bug-out plan? How soon do we have to start packing the car and how much time do we have?”

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Filed under Disasters, Dogs, Los Angeles

September 28, 2014 · 22:07

Juicy Chunks O’ Wisdom For Sunday, September 28th

‘Cause the baseball postseason is here and my beloved Angels have the best record in baseball, that’s why.

  • In addition to the moon in the evening sky, there are a couple of bright planets. Look for them all! Last night (Saturday, 09/27) the Moon was very close to a very bright Saturn. Tonight, the Moon was getting close to a somewhat bright but very reddish Mars. The Moon will keep heading up higher into the sky each night and getting brighter, but if you’ve got binoculars, it’s a great time to be looking. Before it starts getting cold. Like GRRM said…
  • The Long-Suffering Wife cut her finger yesterday in the kitchen. I put a bandage on it, and the one immediately at hand in the kitchen cupboard was an old SpongeBob SquarePants bandage. Not a big issue, until much later, when the lights got turned off in the bedroom and she realized that it glowed in the dark. Her reaction was quite interesting, to say the least.
  • Is it unreasonable to think that our air traffic system should be robust enough so that a single disgruntled employee can cause massive disruptions of thousands of flights, leaving hundreds of thousands of travelers stranded, a mess than continues to be a mess three days later and will continue to be a mess for days more? Did no one anywhere in the FAA or Transportation Department think that there should be some sort of backup plan if a single TRACON had to go offline?
  • Jessie went out on Wednesday morning and was stunned to find her prized squirrel carcass gone from the patio sidewalk. For two days, every time she went out in back she went straight to that spot and started sniffing around and looking for it. Then she would look at me with sad, accusing, old dog eyes. I swear, I didn’t touch it, I left it there. I’m figuring there’s a coyote or raccoon or owl or hawk or crow that found an easy, more or less freshly dead meal and took off with it.
  • Pumpkin spice Oreos? Really? I will make a bold statement here — I have never had “pumpkin spice” anything. Not lattes, not beer, not cookies, not cheesecake, not ice cream, not pickles — nothing! As such, I feel fully qualified to feel like I’m the last guy who can tell humanity about the pods in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” or Charlton Heston at the end of “Soylent Green.” “It’s pumpkin spice, humans! Stop eating it! It’s sent by aliens to take over your brains! Don’t eat the pumpkin spice!”
  • At least the glow in the dark SpongeBob SquarePants bandage is on her “driving” finger. At least, that’s what we call it here in Los Angeles.
  • It’s hockey preseason and I’m learning that I need to get my gimpy shoulder into mid-season form quickly. My usual reaction to a Kings goal is to instinctively and immediately throw my arms in the air. If my arm hurts when I do that, we’ve got a problem. (The Vuvuzela of Victory only sings its sweet, sweet song during the playoffs. We have to save the juju for when it’s really needed.)
  • How much does a wagon cost these days? You know — small, red, kid sized, used for hauling toys, dirt, and little sisters. I’m asking for a canine friend.
  • The reports I’ve seen said that the contract employee who sabotaged the FAA air traffic control center in Chicago was upset because they had just been informed they were being transferred to Hawaii. Further developments and information are most certainly coming, but for the moment, let’s examine that allegation. Now, mind you, I absolutely love the city of Chicago. I spent a couple of years there as a kid (junior high school years) in the suburbs, still love going back to visit. I’ve never had a bad time there. But is it so good that when “threatened” with a transfer to freakin’ HAWAII I would go berserk? Are we talking about a different Hawaii than the one I see on TV with the beaches, the jungles, the weather, the surfing, blah, blah, blah?
  • Or the squirrel RE-ANIMATED and its rotting, evil, zombie squirrel body is stalking the trees, waiting for its chance to catch Jessie unawares so that it can WREAK ITS VENGEANCE!!
  • That comma is really important in the “It’s pumpkin spice, humans!” line.
  • Los Angeles about ten days ago, lunch time, near Beverly Hills. South of Sunset, by the Pacific Design Center, between San Vicente and La Cienega. One of the million little, itty-bitty strip malls that cover LA like scabs. As usual for the breed, this one might have had 12 to 15 parking spaces, all full. I’m sitting there eating outside when a brand new, white, shiny, Maserati Quattorporte pulls into the lot. He’s in luck! There’s a full size SUV, an Urban Assault Vehicle, just pulling out of a space. The SUV departs and the person driving (the windows were blacked out, couldn’t see them) whips it around and tries to pull into the just-vacated parking spot. “Tries” is the key word here. They back up and try again, unsuccessfully. And again. And again. All of this despite the fact that a vehicle twice as big just pulled out of that spot. Just about the time I’m ready to start laughing and go offer to park it for them, they give up. They ROAR out of the parking lot, tires screaming — because they have a Maserati Quattroporte and they have to show the world how insanely cool they are. As they leave, another SUV, just as large as the previous one, pulls in and swings into that parking spot in one try. The conclusion is obvious — despite that $140K price tag, the Maserati Quattroporte has the turning radius of a battleship and is a pig to handle in tight spaces! Well, that or someone was seriously overcompensating for something, and it wasn’t the fact that they can’t drive for beans.

Remember, “Some days you win, some days you lose. Some days it rains.” That’s deep. Really. Not even being snarky. From Bull Durham, one of the finest baseball movies ever made. (It happens to be about baseball. A bit. And other things.) ((I’ll shut up now.))

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Filed under Astronomy, Dogs, Freakin' Idiots!, Health, Juicy Chunks, LA Angels, Los Angeles, Ronnie, Sports

September 22, 2014 · 22:43

Fall Equinox 2014

This evening our planet with its rotational axis offset from the plane of its orbit around the primary star passed through the point where the number of hours of sunlight is the same as the number of hours of darkness. In the northern hemisphere, the days have been getting shorter and the nights getting longer since the summer solstice. Now they’re even. From here, we’ll keep having shorter days and longer nights until we get to the winter solstice, at which point the cycle will reverse. On and on, ad infinitum.

Around these parts, if you’re really lucky (or rich), one of the better spots to watch the sunrise is Malibu. While one normally thinks of the sun setting over the ocean in the west on this coast, the alignment of the coast is such that in the fall and winter months, when the sun is rising in the southeast instead of due east, you can see the sun coming up from over the LA Basin or even the ocean if you’re far enough up toward Point Conception.

These photos were not taken today, I am rarely a morning person who’s up early enough to see the sunrise, I am not rich, and I do not live in Malibu — but I got my MBA from Pepperdine University which is in Malibu, and for whatever reason one morning when we were on campus I saw this. The coastal low clouds and fog lies just a mile or so offshore, the sun rises through them, and it all looks wonderful.

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One final note — while today was the equinox and no doubt a holiday for all of the pagans and druids out there, much more importantly, today was National Ice Cream Cone day, celebrating the 211th birthday of the ice cream cone. Now that’s something to celebrate!

We celebrated with Dryer’s Cookies & Cream and Keebler chocolate coated cones — your personal rituals were no doubt different but no less sacred. If you missed today’s celebration, you might have to celebrate twice tomorrow to atone for your lapse in faith. If you celebrated today, you get to celebrate twice tomorrow as a reward for your faith.

As religions go, it’s got a lot of good things going for it.

 

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Filed under Astronomy, Los Angeles, Photography, Weather

September 19, 2014 · 22:11

Oot & Aboot Across SoCal

It’s been a very long and very busy day helping a friend of a friend of a friend and there have been many exciting adventures. I’m sure I’ll share some of them that can be safely shared, but on another day.

For now, I wonder why people line up for hours and hours in malls to get new phones:

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Aren’t there ways to order one online a week or so in advance and just have it delivered to your door today? What do you mean, “That doesn’t always work the way it’s supposed to?” Yet another story for yet another day.

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In our journeys we passed through Palos Verdes, which has some pretty spectacular views. Yeah, (on a clear day) you can see the Hollywood sign, Griffith Observatory, downtown, Century City, LAX, Santa Monica, Malibu, and probably that old Nike base observation site in the hills over Encino. (Binoculars or a small telescope might help, but you can see them!)

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Filed under Computers, Los Angeles, Photography

September 12, 2014 · 22:07

Panorama: Sycamore Canyon Beach, California

At the California shoreline north of Los Angeles and away from most of the crowds. This panoramic picture was taken at Sycamore Canyon Beach in July, 2012. (Click to enlarge.)

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Originally this was a 360° picture, combining twenty-three images. However, there are problems with the creation of that image, since the last few individual frames are almost face-on to the ocean. In the foreground of each of those frames are breaking surf — with significant differences between frames for the location of the surf line and water line. This makes the program freak out and not be able to line up adjacent frames very well at all.

What you see here is a result of taking that 360° panorama and trimming off the frames that are misaligned. The end result comes from nineteen or twenty images of 3888 x 2592 pixels (10 megapixels) taken with a Canon Rebel XTi DSLR, combined into an image of 22112 x 2542 pixels (56.2 megapixels), which covers approximately 300°.

Surf’s up, dude!

 

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Filed under Los Angeles, Photography, Travel

September 10, 2014 · 21:59

Long Exposures: Rainy Night In LA

Not tonight — we got about thirty seconds of rain on Monday, but other than that it’s been dry as a bone for months and months and months and months and months…

These are from 2006, on a “dark and stormy night” when I was at a hotel down by LAX, unable to get to sleep, playing with long exposures to kill the time. I tried both to hold the camera still and let the cars and planes and clouds move as well as trying to move the camera a bit and see what kind of patterns I might get.

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Filed under Art, Los Angeles, Photography

September 5, 2014 · 20:49

Sounds

I was just out in the back yard, standing there in the dark while the dog patrolled and marked her territory. It’s a nice night here, moon through the trees, still warm, starting to get a bit muggy — but what really struck me were the sounds.

From inside the house I could hear the Angels-Twins baseball game on the television. As I mentioned the other day, even if you’re not watching or paying attention to the game, even if you don’t care about the outcome, if you’ve been raised with baseball in your life there’s a rhythm, a form, a patois to a baseball game broadcast that’s all its own. That’s a sound that can take me straight back to childhood, back when there was only one game on television all week, the NBC Saturday Game Of The Week, and it was never my team. (At that point it was the Kansas City Athletics.) Every game was listened to on the radio, with Monte Moore calling the action. I’m sure that for other folks there’s a similar attachment to the sounds of soccer or basketball, but for me it’s baseball.

From down the block I can hear the high school football game, the first home game of the year. It’s a private high school, not the public school our kids went to, but it’s always great to hear the crowd, the band, the totally unintelligible blaring from the PA system. It would have been great to be back in Kansas City for this weekend’s season kickoff festivities for the Chiefs, but lacking that, the sound of night high school football games tells me at a cellular level that football season is here.

As Jessie finished her business, over the hill by the county line I could hear a siren start up. I remember as a kid being surprised to find that (as a general rule) different siren sounds indicated different emergency vehicles. Fire trucks don’t sound like ambulances which don’t sound like police cars. What I was hearing tonight was a police car, which made sense given that it came from that direction while the fire station was over that way and the hospital over that way. A minute later, off toward the Valley, the sound of an incoming helicopter indicated that something was indeed up over toward the freeway.

When we were in Vermont and upstate New York in June, one of the things that struck me after a couple of days was the total lack of sirens and helicopters. Between police, fire, and ambulance sirens and police, private, and traffic helicopters flitting about, you never go more than a couple of hours without hearing sirens and choppers in Los Angeles. It’s so routine you don’t even think about it until you start hearing a LOT of them. (If they’re fire engines, you live near the hills covered in dry brush, and you suddenly catch a whiff of smoke on the breeze, that’s a whole different alert level.) But in ten days in New England, I didn’t hear a single siren, nor did I see or hear a single helicopter. As with the dogs that did not bark in the night, it stood out once it was noticed.

Finally, off in the distance, going through the Santa Suzanna Pass, a train whistle could be heard. There’s a reason that sound is so synonymous with loneliness and longing, the call of the road, the desire to be off seeking adventures or a new life, all debts paid one way or the other, a clean slate wherever we end up. It made me wonder what sound evoked those feelings before the train was invented. There must have been one, the feelings aren’t new. I’m thinking it might have been the sound of honking geese heading over the horizon.

Where do those geese go, and when can I follow?

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Filed under Dogs, KC Chiefs, LA Angels, Los Angeles, Paul

August 29, 2014 · 12:51

Tin Foil Hats At The Ready!

Watch out today, at least in Los Angeles. I don’t know if it’s something in the air, something in the water, a change in the solar neutrino flux, or a variation in tachyons arriving from the galactic core, but it’s time to put on your tin foil hats!

I had a few errands to run this morning, no biggie. Post office. Bank. Restock the pet food larder. Maybe go pick up the new John Scalzi book and/or the new Richard Kadrey book and/or the new Brad Paisley album. No biggie.

It started at the post office. There were a few cars in line for the drive-through mail drop and something was making the line go slow. I finally saw that there was a booth set up on the sidewalk. A couple of people from the booth were trying to talk to the drivers as cars left the mailbox and waited to exit onto the street. When it was my turn, I saw that it was a fanatical group trying to rally support to impeach Obama.

While the opportunities for entertainment were clear, so were the opportunities to raise my blood pressure.

First off, I’m a huge fan of the First Amendment, even when it means that we have to give assholes and subhumans like the Westboro Baptist Church the right to picket funerals. I despise people like that with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, but I understand that if I want those rights for me and people who agree with me, I also have to allow those rights to people I detest.

Secondly, I try real hard to be tolerant and give everyone a chance, maybe two. (It’s my Catholic school education, I’m sure.) However, after that point, my tolerance level drops off pretty fast. People who insist on demonstrating repeatedly that they’re delusional, anti-social, ignorant, or psychotic are fools who no longer deserve to be suffered gladly. The screaming folks with the big posters of Obama made to look like Hitler? They might have at least one strike against them to start with.

This guy wanted to shove propaganda flyers into my face before I could get the window rolled up after dropping off my mail — I declined to accept. (Strike one.) This dude looking like a poster child for a white supremacy group screamed at me, asking if I knew we were all doomed if Obama wasn’t “stopped” — I ignored him. (Strike two.) He then asked if I had ever considered the “evidence” that Obama was a fascist, socialist, Nazi dictator…

In my defense, the street was full of cars in front of me and I couldn’t go anywhere anyway.

I asked him if he knew the difference between fascists, socialists, and Nazis, since they were all different and in many respects had opposing policies and viewpoints and hated each other.

He pointed at the Hitler mustache on the poster and told me that Obama was just like Hitler! I told him that I didn’t know that Hitler’s mustache made him evil, I had always thought that it was senseless slaughter of millions of innocent people.

He told me that when I looked in the mirror I would see that mustache on myself and know that I was a Nazi too. I told him when he looked in the mirror he would see a psychotic idiot in desperate need of some serious mental help.

He started listing the conspiracies all around us regarding AIDS and 9-11 and global warming and the United Nations, saying that if we ignored the danger we would all be locked up in gulags. I pointed out that if Obama was really a dictator, nut jobs like him wouldn’t be sitting on the sidewalk ranting. He and his friends would be dead and no one would ever find the bodies, so ipso facto, Obama wasn’t a dictator.

I may have been using intellectual arguments above his weight class.

Traffic was clearing and I started to move. As I did so, I saw the poster on the front side of the fold-up table they had. It was urging people to impeach that Nazi-socialist-communist-fascist-dictator Obama and join Lyndon LaRouche in saving the country. His obvious problems with reality made so much more sense now! I told my delusional friend that he needed to find a better cult to join next time. I suggested one with lots of sex and drugs might be more to his liking. He called me a Nazi again, we flipped each other off, and I left.

You don’t see that every day in the San Fernando Valley!

Nor do you normally see folks jogging in 95° heat while wearing full, black sweat suits, including full-length sweatpants and a hoodie pulled up over their head. Yes, you see folks jogging. Yes, you even see a few of them out jogging in 95° weather. But I’ve never seen anyone dressed like it’s 35° when it’s 95° and running at a good pace to boot. It looked like a good way to either wake up in intensive care needing multiple organ transplants or to simply wake up dead. Good luck, guys, you’re going to need it. Stay hydrated!

Then, for a more common bizarre circumstance for LA, there was apparently a huge accident on the freeway. The westbound freeway was gridlocked. Grid. Locked.

I didn’t know until I got within a block or so of the onramp. Then I could see that traffic wasn’t moving at all, dead stop, so I decided to stay off the freeway and get to the book store on surface streets. Unfortunately, the freeway backup apparently had been there for a while, had multiple lanes blocked, and the gridlock went back at least six or seven miles, so a few hundred thousand of my close, personal friends had decided to use that street as an alternate route.

No one was moving. Period.

But a significant number were driving like freakin’ idiots. (Big surprise, I know, right?) People cutting into shopping center parking lots, going 100 yards, then trying to cut back out into traffic in order to pass ten or twelve cars. People doing U-turns across the center divider islands into gridlocked traffic coming the other way. People ignoring the traffic control cops who were trying to keep some semblance of order at the bigger interchanges, and getting away with it because there was no way to stop and/or cite them.

After about fifteen minutes I made it a half mile and was able to turn away from it all onto a side street and escape. (Knowing the local topography intimately is a huge help in such circumstances — I recommend running to get to know all of the side streets on a first name basis.)

As I bailed on the book store errand and got back towards home, I went by the post office and saw our favorite neighborhood whackjobs still out there harassing postal patrons. I thought briefly of letting them know about the massive gridlock a couple miles away. Down there were thousands and thousands of helpless motorists who would have no opportunity at all to get away from their delusional diatribes. It would be like shooting ducks in a barrel!

The word “shooting” triggered the realization that many of those frustrated, pissed-off, short-tempered motorists might well be armed. As entertaining as it was to think of these deluded dimwits being shot at, I decided to leave well enough alone.

Instead I’m at home, making more tin foil hats and tin foil liners for my athletic supporter cups. It might be a long weekend in LA.

I think it’s the neutrinos.

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Filed under Farce, Freakin' Idiots!, Los Angeles, Politics, Running

August 27, 2014 · 22:42

Sightseeing In Los Angeles — Pershing Square

As is so often the case, we focus on what’s novel or interesting to us, often ignoring wonderful things right in front of our noses that might be novel or interesting to others. Thus, while I’ve traveled to (and posted pictures from) places like the Grand Canyon, Shanghai, Vermont, Southampton, Texas, Kyoto, Virginia, Seoul, and more (with many more to come), I’ve only shown a couple of sets of pictures from here in Los Angeles (here and here) which is a place I assume to be novel and interesting to people who don’t live here.

Today I had occasion to be downtown for a meeting (which I think went well and with luck will lead to another) and had a few minutes to kill beforehand. I walked across the street to Pershing Square, at the corner of 6th and Olive Street, right in the heart of downtown LA. Of course, I couldn’t just stand there or sit in the shade — I took a few pictures.

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Pershing Square has some gigantic art, several stories tall. I’m not sure if it actually has any other function, such as camouflage for the exhaust vents for the underground garage. Maybe I’ll find out if I get to visit there again regularly.

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A couple of the more noticeable and iconic skyscrapers on the LA skyline. The white building is known as the “Library Tower” since it’s across the street from the main Los Angeles Public Library and I believe the library owned the land or had some hand in the deal that got the tower built. If memory serves, it’s the tallest building on the West Coast. The slightly off-white, shorter building just in front of it is the library itself.

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One of the things I love about Los Angeles, particularly downtown, is the way you get modern skyscrapers set right next to mid-rise skyscrapers that might have been state of the art when they were built a hundred years or so ago. On the Park Central Building, I thought the pattern of fire escapes and the statues on the 2nd and 3rd floor exteriors were wonderful. Apparently this particular building was also the tallest building in Los Angeles from 1916 to 1927.

They don’t build them like that any more.

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Filed under Job Hunt, Los Angeles, Photography, Travel

August 19, 2014 · 20:26

Dear Traffic Commission

Dear esteemed members of the local traffic commission:

It has come to my attention that you have used a great deal of our hard-earned tax dollars to put up a great many of these remote, radar-gun warning signs in the area. You know, the ones which display your speed as you pass by and get progressively more excited and frantic in their displays as your speed allegedly goes more and more over the posted speed limit. For brevity, I’ll refer to them as “robo-radars.”

I have a few observations to make about some of the individual devices.

The one by the high school is pretty good. It sets the gold standard for the others. As far as I can tell it is pretty accurate, judging by the speedometers on my cars. It flashes if anyone is going over the speed limit. We get the message and we feel appropriately shamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. We promise to do better next time, every time we set it off. Really, we do.

The one down by the freeway is completely inaccurate. I’ve gotten to the point where I will very deliberately cruise by it at 35 (it’s a 40 mph zone) with no one else on the road so it can’t be giving me information based on another car. It consistently reads about 41 or 42, even when I’m doing 35. We ignore this one since it’s a lying bastard, not to be trusted. We call it “Larry the Liar.”

The one up by the reservoir is also annoying. It’s actually on the same pole as the “Speed Limit 40” sign, yet still goes bananas, flashing and warning us to slow down, while displaying a (reasonably accurate) speed of 36 or 38. If I want to get scolded and judged when I haven’t done anything wrong, I’ll start going back to church. We call this one “False Positive Fred.”

The one by the shopping center? It’s seems to be broken as well, completely unable to display a speed of over 45. (It’s also in a 40 mph zone.) I first started to suspect this one when I saw cars roaring past me like I was standing still, but no one ever got a reading of more than 48. I’ve now tested it myself and verified this. Please fix this machine — if I’m going to be out there on a residential street doing 75 to test your machine, it would be nice if you cared about it working correctly.

Finally, when I go running toward and past one of these signs, it never registers my presence. Never lights up, never flashes, never gives any reading at all. I’ll admit that I’m not running that fast (before you make any snarky comments, let’s see your butt out there doing five or six miles one of these days) but I’m not running that slow either. I thought at first that it might be because your robo-radars have a lower limit set in their design, beneath which it ignores movement. However, going out and driving by one exactly as fast as I run, the display lights up and gives me a speed. (To the guy in the BMW behind me while I conducted this test, thanks, I think you’re number one as well!)

I can only assume that this particular robo-radar is looking for a metal surface to get a return signal from, and my pasty, flabby carcass isn’t getting the job done. In order to test this theory, I intend to wrap my body in tin foil and run past it again. I’ll get back to you on the efficacy of the technique, if the cops haven’t gotten back to your first. Or the men in white coats.

In summary, you seem to have spent a lot of money on warning signs that give false positives, are highly inaccurate, and are totally useless in timing my marathon training. We can only be grateful that you didn’t hook your inaccurate robot minions to cameras and automatic ticketing systems like the freakin’ idiots in Arizona did. (No, I did not get a speeding ticket in Arizona, but only by driving in such a fashion as to make half the state indicate that they think I’m number one as well.)

If you’re looking for a reasonably-priced consultant to help you troubleshoot the problem and research potential solutions (i.e., I want to get paid to run past these thing swaddled in Alcoa’s finest), you have my number.

Love,

Paul

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Filed under Farce, Freakin' Idiots!, Los Angeles, Running