Category Archives: Paul

March 3, 2018 · 23:44

That Feeling When – March 03rd

That feeling when you’re feeling the time pressure because the freakin’ computer at the hangar went belly up and you really don’t have the time to be dealing with this but you’ve actually gotten to the store and gotten a decent new computer in a reasonable amount of time but now you’re standing in the parking lot because you know you parked Hissy over here somewhere because you remember being next to that car and just down from that car but Hissy’s nowhere to be seen and you can’t figure out what in hell you’re doing wrong but gee, that car right there looks just like your old van, same color, same everything, what are the odds of that…

And yet Siri wondered why I needed directions to get back to the hangar.

Don’t think of it as a brain cramp – think of it as “flight following” in a moment of exhaustion.

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Health, Paul

February 22, 2018 · 23:58

Salvation vs Torture

I’m pretty sure I’ve ranted about this before, but it happened again today, so here we go:

When a picture like this shows up on your desktop lock screen (it’s Bora Bora) is it a breath of fresh air and a moment of calm and peace in your potentially stressful, hectic, and super busy day? Or is it a freaking instrument of torture, taunting you with visions of a relaxing, beautiful, peaceful oasis that you will never, ever get to at any time in your pathetic, wretched existence, even if you live to see the heat death of the universe?

As they say, “Asking for a friend.”

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February 21, 2018 · 23:45

Adulting STILL Sucks

A couple of times today, many more times than I would like to remember over the last couple of weeks, conversations have gotten to the point where either “Okay!” or “Fuck you!” are the proper next response – along with the resulting consequences.

I have consistently been doing that whole responsible, mature adulting thing.

An argument can be made that I’m making the wrong decisions.

Tomorrow’s another day to be a mature, responsible adult. And wonder if the moment’s coming when I’m not.

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February 18, 2018 · 23:58

Abandonment

It’s been said that a novel is never finished, only abandoned. The same is no doubt true of financial statements if you’re a particularly anal retentive sort of accounting person – and if you’re an accounting person, you are.

I’m done. Let the Spanish Inquisition begin!

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Filed under CAF, Paul

February 12, 2018 · 23:32

Crackers

Nabisco Premium Saltines with Unsalted Tops, to be precise.

Where did they go?

Was there an explosion at the Nabisco factory where only the Unsalted Tops production line got melted to slag?

Is there a huge underground market for Unsalted Top Saltines? Are they some sort of delicacy for newly liberated pot smokers in California?

Was there a toxic batch of “unsalt” which made them all get recalled?

I don’t know the answer, but it’s been three weeks and four different markets and I can’t find the Nabisco Premium Saltines with Unsalted Tops to save my life. Nada. Zip.

They all have the regular Saltines, mind you. Lots of them! In two of the stores I actually found the spot on the shelves where the Unsalted Tops were supposed to be, but that shelf space was filled to overflowing with the Regular Saltines.

I tried to call Nabisco to raise the alert, sound the alarm, raise a ruckus. Nothing. No comment. (This might be related to the fact that I was calling at about 22:00 on a Sunday evening and they’re only open 9 to 6, Monday through Friday, but I’m trying to go on a conspiratorial rant here!)

The one Ralph’s superstore did have the Kroger brand unsalted tops crackers – bleh!! I’ve tried them before. They’re one of the key reasons that “house brand” gets such a bad reputation.

[LATE EDIT] – After writing most of this last night, tonight on my way home I found them in a local, non-chain, mom-and-pop style grocery store. Our long, national nightmare is over!

Or maybe… Maybe that’s just what they want us to think…

 

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Filed under Los Angeles, Paul

February 7, 2018 · 23:31

No Context For You – February 07th

 

The anger sneaks up on you. You think you’re over it, living back in your head instead of your gut. Then in a flash, you’re back in the fire, wanting to set all the bridges ablaze and laugh while you watch them go up.

You don’t, of course. (“This time,” the little voice whispers.) You know how horrible the consequences would be.

But the anger’s like acid, wearing away at the walls of your self-restraint and decades of congealed adultiness.

Which will happen first? Will you find a solution and temper the flames? Or will the anger find a chink that leads to a crack which widens to a fissure which leads to your “responsible as-if” personality cracking like an eggshell with an M-80 inside?

So you breathe. You listen to the Brandenburg Concertos. You calm down. You watch videos of the Falcon Heavy launch. You adult.

And you wait.

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Paul, Photography

February 4, 2018 · 23:46

Do We Know How To Party Or What?

Well, not “us” exactly, not in the “us = this household” sense. In that definition, no, we don’t know how to party. We’re dull as two-day old dishwater. But if you mean our neighbors here in the West San Fernando Valley, well then, party on!

At least, one of “us.”

Because of some major sporting event today, the grocery store was as crowded as I’ve seen it outside of maybe Thanksgiving morning. So I had some time while waiting in line to observe my fellow citizens.

Next to us in the “15 items or less” aisle was a couple. Not exactly dressed for church on a Sunday morning, but who am I to judge? It wasn’t their choice of attire that caught my attention however. It was what they had in their shopping cart.

  1. A four-pack of bargain toilet paper.
  2. A half-gallon of the expensive, name brand drinking water.
  3. One cucumber

I’m not one to be jumping to conclusions or looking down on my fellow man, particularly on a Sunday morning in the checkout aisle. But I do give my brain free rein to wonder about the universe around me, and I had to wonder about those facts.

What set of circumstances leads a couple, not just one of them or the other, but a couple together to get dressed and come to the big grocery store, not the convenience market or 7-11, to get those three items?

If you’re going for the premium drinking water, why the bargain toilet paper? Or vice versa.

And the one cucumber?

The mind boggles.

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January 31, 2018 · 23:17

Someplace Special – January 31st

Springfield, Vermont (probably 1969, might be 1970)

(Ice and cold – could it be coming up on fifty years. This was a time of cold and isolation, everything symbolized by ice and snow, black and white with dirty grey everywhere in between. But there’s that one spot of color – green means go. And with time this world melted and warmed into a place quite beloved in my memory. I survived, as did this grainy, flawed slide, somehow now echoing across the decades. Ice and cold again now, inside if not always out, looking again for that spot of color and a way to hang on and get through. Spring is coming.

But for now it’s only the end of January.)

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Paul, Photography, Travel

January 24, 2018 · 22:42

No Context For You – January 24th

Perception. It’s a funny thing.

I liked this picture on the phone, but couldn’t figure out to save my life what the snippet of writing was or any of the other forms. Maybe that’s why I liked it so much for this post.

Then, just before hitting “Publish,” one element goes “SNAP!” in my brain, recognizable despite the aspect change, color change, spin away from the horizontal. Like lightning dominoes the pieces fell into position.

The brain is weird.

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Filed under Paul, Photography, Religion

January 19, 2018 · 23:39

…It’s Just Than I Can’t Seem To Say It Without Sounding Like A Madman!

Which is frustrating when I’m trying to be witty and wicked and clever and deep and urbane and wise.

These days, however, the bar for being a madman is shifting around so quickly, it’s tough to keep track of.

As I said to someone the other day, I had always hoped that when the hallucinations overtook me they would be more entertaining than this! I wanted Escher or Willy Wonka or Dali. Even Jackson Pollock.

Instead it’s work here, stress there, work AND stress there, and a government that more and more resembles a Three Stooges movie.

Wait.

My apologies to the Three Stooges. They were far, FAR more organized and sane than our current government.

The point being that I’ve worked hard for my collapse, I’m tired of waiting for it, and when it gets here I want it to be entertaining, not boring and scary.

My fellow Americans – we deserve a better class of nervous breakdown!

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