Category Archives: Paul

The Universe Is Laughing

I don’t think it’s laughing with us any more, or maybe it never was. Perhaps we just don’t get the joke.

I’m not a “number nerd,” but this one was a little hard to miss. I’ve been working for weeks on a big project at work (the annual budget for next year) and it’s being finalized today and presented at a big meeting tomorrow. (Yes, on a Saturday.)

I tend to keep my various drafts as I go through a project – you never can tell when you might have to go back and retrieve something that you edited out or changed at some point. The point being that as I’m wrapping it up and generating the final, final copies for distribution, I was working on draft #11.

And today is November 11th.

It was 11:11.

I chose to take that as a good sign. Portents, I’ll take the good ones, we’re drowning in bad ones for the last week or five.

Forty-five minutes later, I got told that there were just two more little changes that my boss wanted. So much for celestial harmonic convergence as expressed in a PDF printout of a large Excel spreadsheet.

And once again, as I type, a skunk has gotten spooked very, very nearby.

Is the lesson that one needs to never give up and keep fighting until the bitter end against impersonal fate and a universe of blind chance, or that one needs to give in and accept and just go with the flow as if a bit of flotsam being shoved about by Brownian motion in the particle-antiparticle foam of a quantum (laughing) universe?

Stupid, freakin’ universe!

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Paul

The Only Way Out Is Through

I’ve heard that phrase for years and it’s always seemed to ring true. I finally tracked it down to a Robert Frost poem, “A Servant To Servants,” and the actual quote is:

He says the best way out is always through.
And I agree to that, or in so far
As that I can see no way out but through—

Sometimes the only way past some horrific ordeal ahead is to grit your teeth, do your best, and suffer through it as best you can. You can’t put it off, you can’t run away, it doesn’t matter how much you hate it or how much it’s going to hurt, it’s just going to have to be. The only way to get out of the ordeal is to live through the ordeal.

This is going to be one of those weeks. Between more deadlines than I want to think about coming at me like a freight train at work, and that thing that’s happening here in the United States on Tuesday, I expect there will be a lot more stress than sleep this week.

Let’s all just keep breathing, try to keep calm, and remember that some of this shit (especially on the national level) has very, very little that we can do about it (other than to cast our votes, of course) so worrying about it and letting it make us crazy is sort of a waste of time.

Easier said than done, but if you watch my back, I’ll watch yours. In the end, that’s all we’ve got anyway. The family that we were given and the “family” that we make for ourselves.

If we just didn’t have this stupid Daylight Saving Time shift last night piled on top of it all!

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Filed under Paul, Politics

In My Head, In The Neighbor’s Yard, On The Roof

A) In my head there’s this tiny little nihilist voice that taunts me every now and then. Not that I’ve EVER given in to any of the suggestions (honestly, I haven’t) but they sometimes can keep me entertained. It’s part of that “Hawkeye Pierce sense of humor” that I find so charming about myself. (I can’t believe I wrote that with a straight face – oops, I didn’t.)

I’ve sometimes thought that if I could ever give the nihilist in me free reign I could have a great career as a “what if” analyst for the CIA or Homeland Security, looking for worst case scenarios if there weren’t any rules or consequences. Of course, on my off-duty hours I would be in a padded cell with a coat that zips up in the back, but I’ve never been one to be obsessed with fashion, so that would be okay.

B) In the neighbor’s yard tonight they’re having a Halloween party. They’re a younger couple (i.e., we’re old farts) with a couple of small kids, in the first or second grade maybe. Tonight it sounds like a half dozen or so families, with probably fifteen or twenty children running around, making little-children-running-around noises. That is, screaming.

This isn’t a complaint of any sort. It’s not raucous or bothersome. It’s actually quite pleasant to hear drifting through the window with it’s Radio Disney soundtrack and the occasional creepy ghost sounds special effects CD thrown in for good luck. It’s a sign that we live in a nice place.

C) On the roof tonight I can hear at least one raccoon, probably more. I don’t know if they’re not too happy with the party and the noise or if they’re just having their own party, but they’re louder than normal, where “normal” can be loud enough to be attention getting.

Mama Raccoon shouldn’t have her kits any more – by this late in the year they should be fully grown and scattered. Raccoons seem to be solitary creatures, but I can hear at least two, so I have to wonder if it’s mating season. What’s the gestation period for raccoons?

 

A+B+C) Out of nowhere, fully blown and made of whole cloth, in my brain comes a scene. (Feel free to use it as an opening scene for next week’s NaNoWriMo if you wish!) It’s a scene that would probably fit in any outrageous comedy such as “Animal House” (a truly fantastic movie) or something similar.

The nihilist in my head has combined the party in the neighbor’s yard and the raccoons on the roof to pose the following question:

“What would happen if I caught one of those raccoons and tossed it over the wall into that party?”

Now, before you all start telling me how I’m going to hell, rest assured that ship sailed a long time ago. And I’ll repeat, I would NEVER do such a thing in real life! Really! And ignore anything said to the contrary by any of my siblings or kids!

Given that it’s not anything that I would ever really do, given that it would be a horrible thing to do to an innocent animal, given that no one gets hurt if it did happen, and given that it’s probably horrible and infantile and horrible and immature and horrible to even consider – would or would not the folks at the party have one hell of a story to tell to their grandkids?

Does that scene not bring a little (horrible) smile to your lips?

Maybe it’s just me.

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Just One More, Then I’ll Stop

In an advanced case, it’s called “addiction.”

Cigarettes. Alcohol. Heroin.

Some will kill you fast, some will kill you slowly but a lot more painfully. Yet a great majority of folks suffering from addictions of this sort find it next to impossible to stop, even knowing the consequences.

But we can get addicted to anything. Television. Video games. Sex. Food. Adrenaline.

Fortunately, most of those things are far less fatal, for the most part. You can get a fatal disease due to a sex addiction, and being an adrenaline addict can leave you broken and bleeding at the bottom of a cliff.

Other addictions are even less likely to directly be fatal, but they’re still frowned upon, especially in extreme cases.

The person who spends eight or nine hours a day watching television while ignoring their family needs help. The person who plays video games until 03:00 or later when they have to be up at 06:00 to get to work is going to be a wreck, and possibly an unemployed wreck.

What if it’s a “good” addiction? Who among us hasn’t pulled an all-nighter when the latest Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, or John Scalzi novel has just come out, knowing that we were going to be dead tired in the morning because of it. But I’ll just read one more chapter, then I’ll stop… Doing it when the new novel comes out once or twice a year is one thing, doing it a couple times a week is an addiction.

What if it’s a “good and necessary” addiction? What if we’ve finally gotten fed up with a certain situation and tonight was the night to dive in and start kicking asses and taking names? It might be a mess that’s built up in our garage or house, a mess on the computer that needs to be straightened out, or one of those “one of these days” projects that finally reaches a breaking point. Maybe it’s a writing project or something creative, which by it’s very nature should be “good.”

When you’re in your third or fourth hour and common sense is saying, “You really need to stop, wrap things up for the night, and get to bed,” while your fingers and primitive, addiction-saturated brain stem is saying, “One more, really, then I’ll stop,” then do you have a problem?

Well, you do that night. I would argue that it’s not a problem to give in and create, solve, and fix for a night here, a night there. Like all of the examples above, it’s a matter of moderation.

But I keep coming back to the “good” nature of certain addictive behavior. If you’ve had work piling up and you finally scream and leap (any other Kzin out there?) at it, is it a bad thing even if you do it four or five or six nights a week?

On the one hand, you’re making progress! You’re getting your book written, your clutter cleaned, your organization organized. These are all good things! But too much of anything is a good thing, no matter what Mae West said.

The point in the spectrum where it tips over from grit, resolve, and perseverance into madness and addiction changes as activities move from “bad” to “good.” That’s the key.

Staying up way too late to get something important (your college thesis or a novel) done is probably still “good” if you’re doing it five or even six days a week for a while. Getting passing out drunk five or even six days a week is definitely on the “bad” side.

Given that there’s this spectrum, which is probably at least a two-dimensional plot of good vs bad and acceptable vs forbidden, the final important question of the night is, “How do you know when you’re crossing the line?”

Forget fifty shades of grey, this behavioral calculus has infinite shading.

Thoughts?

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Filed under Health, Paul

A Few Brief Words

It’s very late, I’m very tired, not terribly energetic or upbeat at the moment, so in honor of the Word Series starting tomorrow, I would like to simply say a few brief words tonight:

Briefcase

Briefly

Briefer

Briefing

Briefness

I won’t even try to pretend that’s original (or funny) but I’m sort of running on empty again tonight – no thanks to The Wax Guy!!

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Filed under Farce, Paul

Saturday Night Excitement!

The Long-Suffering Wife: “If you feel like taking a walk, there’s garbage.”

Me: “I love it when you talk sexy!” (Goes to take out the trash.)
Let’s just assume we were giddy & short on oxygen after cheering for my beloved Cubbies.

Oh, apropos nada, there were neat clouds at sunset!

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Filed under Panorama, Paul, Photography, Ronnie, Sports

Vivid Dreams & Nightly Torture

The nocturnal leg cramps are back. With a vengeance.

But this time there’s a twist. Perhaps related, perhaps not. Perhaps coincidental.

The dreams this week have been vivid, detailed, and unique. None of this “standing in front of a crowd naked” or “can’t find my classroom for the big final exam” stuff for me. Not even the more common (for me) recurring dreams.

Nope.

They’re almost full blown movies, albeit with the somewhat choppy plot lines. More like scenes from a full blown movie with some of the scenes in between missing. But there’s a story in there.

A giant starship, waking from cold sleep in a pod, stuffing the pod with dummies filled with explosives in case we’re caught by those chasing us. Getting to a huge, shiny, skyscraper-like city orbiting a gas giant. We’re the second colony ship here to follow them and see what they’ve built in the decades they’ve been there before us. But they’re horrified to find that we didn’t bring more advanced weapons, something to deal with the ships that are following us…

A scene out of some technothriller, a European city, some sort of plot or heist going on. Rooms full of computers and giant screens a la “War Games.” Not a need to shut down the computer but instead to convince them to keep it going. I’m with an agent of some kind, a young Asian woman dressed in all black, but they’re separating us, taking us away and I have to stay with her…

Under water, floating, wearing some sort of scuba gear. There’s no bottom, no coral reefs, no shipwrecks, no anything. A bit of light from above but it must be moonlight since it’s so dim. Swimming past me are rows upon rows of various fish, like I’m in the middle of a marine 405 Freeway. There’s no danger, no sharks or anything like that, but I can’t decide whether to swim along with one group or the other. Somehow it’s critical that I make the correct choice…

So here’s the question – if the fascinating and somewhat entertaining dreams are tied somehow to the leg cramps and getting rid of the leg cramps will also get rid of the vivid nocturnal adventures in my head, do I take “the pill” and kill them both? Or are the leg cramps a small enough price to pay for the show?

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Filed under Curiosities, Health, Paul

Paultergeist

Was there a poltergeist in our office last night…

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…or a Paultergeist?

That “Hawkeye Pierce” sense of humor. There are days it saves your life, but you have to remember that Hawkeye went crazy when he was pushed too far and snapped.

But Sheldon brought him back.

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Filed under Paul, Photography

Be At Peace

A very, very long day following a very long week following another very long week following…

I could probably use a “mental health day” or two. Or five. Or ten. (That won’t happen.)

You know that meme that’s going around Facebook that shows a cabin in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with the question, “Thirty days, food, water, and provisions provided, but no one else there, no internet, no smart phone, no electronics, and when you get done with the thirty days you get $100,000 for enduring it – would you do it?” What a stupid meme. Do they not realize that there are people who would PAY THEM $100,000 to do that?

I know that the Cubbies are still fighting it out in the 12th or 13th inning, but I have to go to bed.

It was a really nice sunset on Saturday.

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Filed under Paul, Photography, Weather

Over The Edge

Surprisingly, it wasn’t even the latest abominable revelation in the press about our Presidential race that pushed me over!

I mentioned yesterday that I had spent the day helping to toss folks off the top of a 25-story building. I also invited anyone who wanted to come on out, make a donation to our eminently worthy cause, and participate.

None of you did (I’m only the teensiest, bitsiest disppointed), so there were slots available…

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(Photo by S. Meechan)

Here I am girded for battle. Well, girded for safety, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same way.

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(Photo by S. Bardelli)

Here I am, about halfway down. On my left is Hazel, one of my accounting staff.

For me it was a tremendous, exciting, outrageous, and exhilarating experience. Adrenaline – ask for it by name!!

We had real photographers all over the place, so next week I should be able to get some much better pictures.

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Filed under Habitat For Humanity, Paul