Category Archives: Paul

In My Head, In The Neighbor’s Yard, On The Roof

A) In my head there’s this tiny little nihilist voice that taunts me every now and then. Not that I’ve EVER given in to any of the suggestions (honestly, I haven’t) but they sometimes can keep me entertained. It’s part of that “Hawkeye Pierce sense of humor” that I find so charming about myself. (I can’t believe I wrote that with a straight face – oops, I didn’t.)

I’ve sometimes thought that if I could ever give the nihilist in me free reign I could have a great career as a “what if” analyst for the CIA or Homeland Security, looking for worst case scenarios if there weren’t any rules or consequences. Of course, on my off-duty hours I would be in a padded cell with a coat that zips up in the back, but I’ve never been one to be obsessed with fashion, so that would be okay.

B) In the neighbor’s yard tonight they’re having a Halloween party. They’re a younger couple (i.e., we’re old farts) with a couple of small kids, in the first or second grade maybe. Tonight it sounds like a half dozen or so families, with probably fifteen or twenty children running around, making little-children-running-around noises. That is, screaming.

This isn’t a complaint of any sort. It’s not raucous or bothersome. It’s actually quite pleasant to hear drifting through the window with it’s Radio Disney soundtrack and the occasional creepy ghost sounds special effects CD thrown in for good luck. It’s a sign that we live in a nice place.

C) On the roof tonight I can hear at least one raccoon, probably more. I don’t know if they’re not too happy with the party and the noise or if they’re just having their own party, but they’re louder than normal, where “normal” can be loud enough to be attention getting.

Mama Raccoon shouldn’t have her kits any more – by this late in the year they should be fully grown and scattered. Raccoons seem to be solitary creatures, but I can hear at least two, so I have to wonder if it’s mating season. What’s the gestation period for raccoons?

 

A+B+C) Out of nowhere, fully blown and made of whole cloth, in my brain comes a scene. (Feel free to use it as an opening scene for next week’s NaNoWriMo if you wish!) It’s a scene that would probably fit in any outrageous comedy such as “Animal House” (a truly fantastic movie) or something similar.

The nihilist in my head has combined the party in the neighbor’s yard and the raccoons on the roof to pose the following question:

“What would happen if I caught one of those raccoons and tossed it over the wall into that party?”

Now, before you all start telling me how I’m going to hell, rest assured that ship sailed a long time ago. And I’ll repeat, I would NEVER do such a thing in real life! Really! And ignore anything said to the contrary by any of my siblings or kids!

Given that it’s not anything that I would ever really do, given that it would be a horrible thing to do to an innocent animal, given that no one gets hurt if it did happen, and given that it’s probably horrible and infantile and horrible and immature and horrible to even consider – would or would not the folks at the party have one hell of a story to tell to their grandkids?

Does that scene not bring a little (horrible) smile to your lips?

Maybe it’s just me.

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Just One More, Then I’ll Stop

In an advanced case, it’s called “addiction.”

Cigarettes. Alcohol. Heroin.

Some will kill you fast, some will kill you slowly but a lot more painfully. Yet a great majority of folks suffering from addictions of this sort find it next to impossible to stop, even knowing the consequences.

But we can get addicted to anything. Television. Video games. Sex. Food. Adrenaline.

Fortunately, most of those things are far less fatal, for the most part. You can get a fatal disease due to a sex addiction, and being an adrenaline addict can leave you broken and bleeding at the bottom of a cliff.

Other addictions are even less likely to directly be fatal, but they’re still frowned upon, especially in extreme cases.

The person who spends eight or nine hours a day watching television while ignoring their family needs help. The person who plays video games until 03:00 or later when they have to be up at 06:00 to get to work is going to be a wreck, and possibly an unemployed wreck.

What if it’s a “good” addiction? Who among us hasn’t pulled an all-nighter when the latest Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, or John Scalzi novel has just come out, knowing that we were going to be dead tired in the morning because of it. But I’ll just read one more chapter, then I’ll stop… Doing it when the new novel comes out once or twice a year is one thing, doing it a couple times a week is an addiction.

What if it’s a “good and necessary” addiction? What if we’ve finally gotten fed up with a certain situation and tonight was the night to dive in and start kicking asses and taking names? It might be a mess that’s built up in our garage or house, a mess on the computer that needs to be straightened out, or one of those “one of these days” projects that finally reaches a breaking point. Maybe it’s a writing project or something creative, which by it’s very nature should be “good.”

When you’re in your third or fourth hour and common sense is saying, “You really need to stop, wrap things up for the night, and get to bed,” while your fingers and primitive, addiction-saturated brain stem is saying, “One more, really, then I’ll stop,” then do you have a problem?

Well, you do that night. I would argue that it’s not a problem to give in and create, solve, and fix for a night here, a night there. Like all of the examples above, it’s a matter of moderation.

But I keep coming back to the “good” nature of certain addictive behavior. If you’ve had work piling up and you finally scream and leap (any other Kzin out there?) at it, is it a bad thing even if you do it four or five or six nights a week?

On the one hand, you’re making progress! You’re getting your book written, your clutter cleaned, your organization organized. These are all good things! But too much of anything is a good thing, no matter what Mae West said.

The point in the spectrum where it tips over from grit, resolve, and perseverance into madness and addiction changes as activities move from “bad” to “good.” That’s the key.

Staying up way too late to get something important (your college thesis or a novel) done is probably still “good” if you’re doing it five or even six days a week for a while. Getting passing out drunk five or even six days a week is definitely on the “bad” side.

Given that there’s this spectrum, which is probably at least a two-dimensional plot of good vs bad and acceptable vs forbidden, the final important question of the night is, “How do you know when you’re crossing the line?”

Forget fifty shades of grey, this behavioral calculus has infinite shading.

Thoughts?

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A Few Brief Words

It’s very late, I’m very tired, not terribly energetic or upbeat at the moment, so in honor of the Word Series starting tomorrow, I would like to simply say a few brief words tonight:

Briefcase

Briefly

Briefer

Briefing

Briefness

I won’t even try to pretend that’s original (or funny) but I’m sort of running on empty again tonight – no thanks to The Wax Guy!!

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Saturday Night Excitement!

The Long-Suffering Wife: “If you feel like taking a walk, there’s garbage.”

Me: “I love it when you talk sexy!” (Goes to take out the trash.)
Let’s just assume we were giddy & short on oxygen after cheering for my beloved Cubbies.

Oh, apropos nada, there were neat clouds at sunset!

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Filed under Panorama, Paul, Photography, Ronnie, Sports

Vivid Dreams & Nightly Torture

The nocturnal leg cramps are back. With a vengeance.

But this time there’s a twist. Perhaps related, perhaps not. Perhaps coincidental.

The dreams this week have been vivid, detailed, and unique. None of this “standing in front of a crowd naked” or “can’t find my classroom for the big final exam” stuff for me. Not even the more common (for me) recurring dreams.

Nope.

They’re almost full blown movies, albeit with the somewhat choppy plot lines. More like scenes from a full blown movie with some of the scenes in between missing. But there’s a story in there.

A giant starship, waking from cold sleep in a pod, stuffing the pod with dummies filled with explosives in case we’re caught by those chasing us. Getting to a huge, shiny, skyscraper-like city orbiting a gas giant. We’re the second colony ship here to follow them and see what they’ve built in the decades they’ve been there before us. But they’re horrified to find that we didn’t bring more advanced weapons, something to deal with the ships that are following us…

A scene out of some technothriller, a European city, some sort of plot or heist going on. Rooms full of computers and giant screens a la “War Games.” Not a need to shut down the computer but instead to convince them to keep it going. I’m with an agent of some kind, a young Asian woman dressed in all black, but they’re separating us, taking us away and I have to stay with her…

Under water, floating, wearing some sort of scuba gear. There’s no bottom, no coral reefs, no shipwrecks, no anything. A bit of light from above but it must be moonlight since it’s so dim. Swimming past me are rows upon rows of various fish, like I’m in the middle of a marine 405 Freeway. There’s no danger, no sharks or anything like that, but I can’t decide whether to swim along with one group or the other. Somehow it’s critical that I make the correct choice…

So here’s the question – if the fascinating and somewhat entertaining dreams are tied somehow to the leg cramps and getting rid of the leg cramps will also get rid of the vivid nocturnal adventures in my head, do I take “the pill” and kill them both? Or are the leg cramps a small enough price to pay for the show?

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Paultergeist

Was there a poltergeist in our office last night…

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…or a Paultergeist?

That “Hawkeye Pierce” sense of humor. There are days it saves your life, but you have to remember that Hawkeye went crazy when he was pushed too far and snapped.

But Sheldon brought him back.

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Be At Peace

A very, very long day following a very long week following another very long week following…

I could probably use a “mental health day” or two. Or five. Or ten. (That won’t happen.)

You know that meme that’s going around Facebook that shows a cabin in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with the question, “Thirty days, food, water, and provisions provided, but no one else there, no internet, no smart phone, no electronics, and when you get done with the thirty days you get $100,000 for enduring it – would you do it?” What a stupid meme. Do they not realize that there are people who would PAY THEM $100,000 to do that?

I know that the Cubbies are still fighting it out in the 12th or 13th inning, but I have to go to bed.

It was a really nice sunset on Saturday.

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Over The Edge

Surprisingly, it wasn’t even the latest abominable revelation in the press about our Presidential race that pushed me over!

I mentioned yesterday that I had spent the day helping to toss folks off the top of a 25-story building. I also invited anyone who wanted to come on out, make a donation to our eminently worthy cause, and participate.

None of you did (I’m only the teensiest, bitsiest disppointed), so there were slots available…

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(Photo by S. Meechan)

Here I am girded for battle. Well, girded for safety, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same way.

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(Photo by S. Bardelli)

Here I am, about halfway down. On my left is Hazel, one of my accounting staff.

For me it was a tremendous, exciting, outrageous, and exhilarating experience. Adrenaline – ask for it by name!!

We had real photographers all over the place, so next week I should be able to get some much better pictures.

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Congratulations To The Long- Suffering Wife!!

Today was her last day as a working stiff after more than forty years in the workforce and more than twenty-five years with Kaiser Permanente in Southern California. Starting tomorrow, she gets to sleep in as late as she wants seven days a week.

Well, except that I have to get up at O’ Dark Thirty to be at a work event in Universal City by 07:00. I’ll try to be quiet.

While she spent the day being congratulated by one and all and thanked by everyone who ever worked with her, I spent the day helping to throw folks off of the 25th story of the Universal Hilton.

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More fun tomorrow! (All for a good cause – we’ve raised over $100,000 on this event. If you’re free in Los Angeles tomorrow and want to give it a try, we still have slots available – $1,000 a shot and I’ll take your credit card right at the door! Sold one this afternoon…)

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When The Going Gets Weird…

As I mentioned last night, we’ve had a convergence of several very high stress, time critical, labor intensive deadlines this week that has everyone working long hours and testing the efficacy of their deodorant. While this is without a doubt a pain, it was not unexpected. We’ve seen this one coming for a while.

What was totally unexpected this week, at least by me, was this:

la-business-journal-non-profit-cfo-of-the-year

I had no idea I had been nominated, let alone had made it as a finalist.

Gobsmacked, indeed.

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